25/11/2016 11:13 GMT | Updated 26/11/2016 09:17 GMT

Black Friday: Britain Has Rounded Off 2016 By F*cking It Up For Everyone

Black Friday in Britain just isn't what it used to be.

It’s Black Friday.

Around the world people are engaging in that most festive of traditions by viciously fighting amongst themselves to save £20 off a TV slightly bigger than the one they punched someone in the face for last year.

Just look at these Brazilians, it’s glorious.

Nacho Doce / Reuters
How it should be done: Shoppers reach for television sets as they compete to purchase retail items on Black Friday at a store in Sao Paulo, Brazil

This American bought so much her only hope is a family member buys her a prosthetic hand to replace the one she sacrificed to carry 75 kilos of crap all the way home.

Andrew Kelly / Reuters
A shopperenters the subway carrying purchases from Macy's Herald Square store during the Black Friday sales in New York

This store in Florida dispensed with credit and allowed punters to trade their kids for electrical items (btw, of course they didn’t)

AP Images for Aaron's, Inc.
Winners: An American home store surprises shoppers with a free television

This is how they enter stores on Black Friday in California - waving a map with your cash strapped to your waist.

SANDY HUFFAKER via Getty Images
Shoppers enter Best Buy during Black Friday sales in San Diego, California

Second-hand stores get in on Black Friday in Japan where this highly popular sale of used underwear requires specialist equipment.

Tomohiro Ohsumi via Getty Images
What actually happened: A customer shops for clothing during the Black Friday sale at an Aeon supermarket on November 25, 2016 in Tokyo, Japan

This US family has bought everything necessary to not even go home for Christmas, instead decamping themselves in the store. Just out of shot is their dog, wrapped in glitter and dragging the family’s Aga on a sleigh. 

Andrew Kelly / Reuters
People wait with purchases at Macy's Herald Square during the Black Friday sales in Manhattan

And what do we do?  

This. Amongst a population of 2.55 million, only one Mancunian in the whole city had the decency to queue outside Tesco Extra for first dibs taking a PS4 from the hands of a granny just looking to treat her grandkids one last time.

Peter Byrne/PA Wire
A single person at the front of the queue at the Tesco Extra store in Manchester, waits for the start of their Black Friday Sale

Don’t let the smile deceive you, this lone shopper in Oxford Street is secretly devastated she had a clear and unobstructed run to the tills.

Anthony Upton/PA Wire
A customer buys a camera at Currys PC World during Black Friday, the biggest retail event of the year on Oxford Street, London

These chancers in Enfield betray all Black Friday tradition by cooperating when the correct course of action would have been to rob that copper of his CS spray and truncheon and fight to the death for the honour of watching 49 inches of LCD glory.

Yui Mok/PA Wire
Customers shopping for bargains on Black Friday carry a flat screen TV at a Tesco Extra store in Ponders End, Enfield, north London


Peter Byrne/PA Wire
Shoppers enter the Tesco Extra store in Manchester, looking for cheap deals at the start of the supermarket's Black Friday sale

This is Selfridges in Manchester where attempts to make the store look busy took a ridiculous turn.

Selfridges in The Trafford Centre, Manchester, is empty on Black Friday.

Here, a desperate Bristol man can be seen phoning the talking clock to ask if it wants a fight.
Punters attend the 5am opening of very carm and ordered black friday at Tesco extra, Bristol.

This gent was found in Surrey Quays, walking in circles and elbowing imaginary punters whilst muttering about half-price knuckledusters. 

Joe Newman / SWNS.COM

Sainsbury’s in Harringay resorted to a live demonstration of how shopping trollies work.


Later they added a man. Look at that posture - classic Black Friday nonchalance. This is how you win at shopping.


What. The. Bejeezus. Is. This?

Charlotte Ball/PA Wire
Protesters let by musician Homesick Mick (third right) outside Topshop in Oxford Circus, London, demonstrate against Sir Philip Green.

The back of this shirt reads: ‘You’re a traitor to tradition.’

Matt Dunham/AP

More infuriatingly depressing pictures as we get them...