More often than not, news that a popstar is recording a Christmas album is met with a mixed reception from fans at best. To be frank, there are a whole lot of festive albums out there, and not a lot of them are great.
This year, we had Gwen Stefani putting her brass-heavy spin on ‘Last Christmas’ and ‘Jingle Bells’ while cosying up to current squeeze Blake Shelton on original track ‘You Make It Feel Like Christmas’.
Meanwhile, Sia was dusting off her Christmas wig and giving us unusual festive tunes like ‘Ho Ho Ho’, ‘Puppies Are Forever’ and the catchy lead single ‘Santa’s Coming For Us’.
But while it seems everyone and their granny has their own Christmas music out these days, there are still a couple of our faves yet to give it a whirl, and here are a handful of the artists we’d like to hear a festive album from in 2018...
1. Britney Spears
It’s coming up to 20 years since the Holy Spearit blessed us with a pre-Christmas gift, ‘My Only Wish (This Year)’, initially recorded for Jive Records’ ‘Platinum Christmas’ album, which also featured contributions from *NSYNC (obv), Whitney Houston (oooh!) and Steps (huh?).
The track has gone on to become one of our festive go-tos, and we think it’s a real shame that it never led to any more Christmas offerings from Britney Spears. Perhaps now her Vegas residency is coming to an end, a Christmas album would be a great way for her to show off the fun side usually reserved for her Instagram page, and give us a fistful of new holiday hits at the same time.
In recent years, Tori Amos, Kate Bush and Annie Lennox have all given us their take on the traditional Christmas album, but the female singer/songwriter whose eyes we’d really like to see this time of year through is Björk.
Given her penchant for the unusual and avant garde, we could easily imagine Björk’s Christmas offering being an out-and-out hyper-colourful assault on the senses full of elves, dancing polar bears and Björk herself in full snowman garb. Or it’d be a melancholy and subdued introspective ode to the winter time. Either way, we’d be here for it, and for an artist who likes to keep people guessing, we don’t think this is a project anyone would see coming.
Yeah, we know, Pitbull’s music isn’t for everyone. But when office Christmas party season rolls around, what is it you really want - highbrow, multi-layered and meaningful tributes to all the thought-provoking foibles of the festive season? Or balls-to-the-wall bops that make you want to keep dancing away with the girls from accounts you’ve gone the rest of the year without speaking to but who are suddenly your best friends in all of work?
Pitbull holds nothing back all year round, so can you imagine the theatrics he’d pull at “the most wonderful time of the year”? Dale!
4. Lana Del Rey
At the other end of the spectrum, Christmas albums tend to follow the same patterns, and truth be told, you could probably switch between Sia’s, Gwen Stefani’s and Kelly Clarkson’s latterday offerings without spotting much of a difference (unless you’re talking about quality of vocals, of course).
Whether or not you’re a fan of her somber musical stylings, there’s no denying that if Lana Del Rey were to work her magic on a Christmas album, it’d be unlike festive collections that any of her contemporaries would have come up with.
True, it wouldn’t be one to lead a conga round the living room to once you’d polished off your Christmas turkey, but it’d be the soundtrack to anyone for whom Christmas isn’t the sparkly, happy time we’re usually sold.
For no other reason than we need someone to try and make Christmas music cool.
Admittedly, we’d only want Rihanna to try her hand at a Christmas album if it were something she actually felt passionately about, because if the last few years have taught us anything, it’s that RiRi can pull off anything when she truly commits.
6. Little Mix
We can’t believe it’s been six years since Leigh-Anne, Jade, Jesy and Perrie were crowned ‘X Factor’ winners, and in that time Little Mix has never recorded a single Christmas tune (safe for the bell-heavy remix of ‘Love Me Like You’, that is).
The girls have barely stopped working ever since their initial ‘X Factor’ victory, so we reckon to take the heat off, rather than jumping back into their traditional cycle of writing and recording a new album, maybe try something a bit different and throw us an EP of Christmas tunes instead.
7. Nadine Coyle
Girls Aloud singer Nadine Coyle made a return to the music scene in 2017, with her energetic and dance-able track ‘Go To Work’, produced by Xenomania - the music team behind all of her former band’s biggest hits.
The ‘Go To Work’ video was, in a word, ridiculous, and if that’s what Nadine is serving on a regular work day, we can only imagine what she’d bring out around the festive season.
And if you need convincing, check out Girls Aloud’s Christmas tune ‘Not Tonight Santa’, and tell us that even in 2017, you wouldn’t listen to a whole album of this.
8. The Kardashian family
Listen, we’re fully aware that none of the Kardashians are particularly gifted in the vocals department. But think about it. Christmas is a time for family - and who could pull that off better than Kris Jenner and her brood of madcap carol singers?
Every time the Kardashian crew lend their voices to something - whether it’s ‘Jam (Turn It Up)’ or their infamous 60th birthday video for Kris - it’s always an event… even if it’s not something we’re in a mad rush to whack on repeat. Plus, they could do it for charity or something, which would certainly stop the regular detractors from slating them.