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Dear Mum, You Are The Beast

Kids' hilarious love notes to their mums.

Cards and notes from your children are one of the great joys of being a parent, both at the time of receiving and years later when they can still bring a lump to your throat or a laugh out loud.

When your children are teens and taller than you are, we bet you’ll still enjoy having a rummage through their old cards and messages of love with their phonetic spelling and carefully formed letters complete with rogue capitals in the middle of words. Best of all, is the snapshot of your child’s view of you - no embarrassment spared.

To celebrate Mother’s Day, we asked mums to share some of the sweetest, most unintentionally funny and memorable cards and messages they’ve received from their children.

“The Mother’s Day card made for me by my five-year-old son said: ‘I love my mummy because she has lots of make-up and I can wear it.’” Lisa

“Last year my daughter announced: ‘I made you a Mother’s Day cake because I love you - but then I ate it.’” Sarah

“Mum, you have thorns on your legs.” Sonja

“My daughter’s description of me didn’t make it onto the school wall of fame. I can see why. It read: ‘My mummy sings in the bathroom, watches EastEnders, cooks on Tuesdays and sells drugs.’ For the record, I am a medical sales rep.” Carrie

“When my daughter was at nursery, the children had to draw their mums. Her best mate did her mum doing yoga; another mother was walking the dog. I was a giant wine glass grasped by a tiny version of me, splayed on the sofa.” Carol

“My husband’s parents ran a pub when he was a kid. He wrote in his news book: ‘My mum drops me off at school and goes straight to the pub. She stays there till it’s time to pick me up at home time!’” Rachel

“My son did a picture of me looking like a giant centipede with a smiley face. When I asked why so many legs he told me gravely, ‘That’s the hairs on your bottom.’” Tammy

“One of my favourite notes from my daughter said: ‘I love you, Mum, but you do shout a lot.’ There was a picture of her holding her ears.” Mary

“One of my all time favourites was my son saying: ‘I wish your boobies were on your back so I could hug you closer.’” Jai

“In a Mother’s Day assembly, the children took turns reading out why they loved their mums to much oohing and aahing. After mothers had been praised for baking cakes, taking their kids swimming, smelling nice... my daughter read out: ‘I love my mum because she has different coloured hair - it’s black on the top and yellow at the bottom - and she always wears a red cardigan.’ And yes, as all eyes swivelled to me I was wearing the red cardigan and I did need my highlights doing. “ Jo

“My son did a drawing for me at nursery for Mother’s Day. His carer had carefully written in his description: ‘Mummy on a skateboard with a monster inside her head.’” Jenny

“I love my mum becas she has wobly arms and gives me hugs.” Paula

“My mum is good at dancing but bad at cooking. Yuk. Yuk.” Marianne

“My daughter had to complete this sentence in her school Mother’s Day card: “My mum... sits at home and waits for Daddy.” I was working full-time!” Amanda