The first question most commonly asked when meeting people at networking events is, "what do you do?" Unfortunately this is the networking equivalent of 'do you come here often?'
It's not asked sincerely, more as an icebreaker and, to be honest, it's the worst time to be asked such a question - when the questioner doesn't care about your response anyway. And the reason they don't care? Because they don't know you yet, they haven't built a relationship with you.
People looking to sell when they network enter into a very familiar routine whenever they meet anyone new at an event. I call it the networking dance.
For the networking dance you first select your partner, often someone standing on their own. Approaching them you offer your hand and business card and ask them, 'what do you do?' They then respond with their carefully crafted elevator pitch.
While they are presenting their word-perfect pitch outlining everything they do for you in a neat 60-second nugget, you study their business card intently, nod and smile politely and wait patiently for them to finish and offer you the same opportunity. Which, on most occasions, they do.
Having finished their pitch they then ask the magic, much anticipated, words, 'and, what do you do?' It's now your turn to take the lead in the dance, sharing your elevator pitch with them.
When you have both finished your pitches you then shake hands, smile sweetly and promise to get in touch. Most of the time neither partner follows up, unless they are trying to sell, as no real connection has been made.
When I started networking I used to enjoy the networking dance as much as anyone. Then two things happened that opened my eyes.
The first was at an event at New Zealand House in London. I met someone there and led the dance, exchanging cards and asking what he did. He proceeded to present his elevator pitch to me and I listened politely. As he finished I waited politely for him to then ask me what I do . . . but he didn't. He simply shook my hand and walked away!
At first I felt offended, and then I was grateful. After all, he had just saved me a minute of my life that I would otherwise have wasted. He wasn't the remotest bit interested in finding out what I did, nor, to be honest, was I in him at that stage. Spending time exchanging elevator pitches with someone who wouldn't have been listening anyway would have been completely ineffective...for both of us.
A year or so later I was delivering a talk at The Scottish Exhibition Centre in Glasgow. A contact of mine from Edinburgh had come across to meet me and, as we sat down for a coffee just before the talk, she asked me, "Andy, what do you actually do?"
I had known her through an online network for a couple of years and we had met briefly on a couple of previous occasions when she had come to London. We'd never discussed business before. The tone of her question struck me; she really wanted to know the answer.
I'd much rather someone asks me what I do when they are interested in the response and want to do something with it than as an icebreaker. Someone may only ask you once, fearing that they would look foolish if they ask you again when they want to know.
Networking events should be focused on identifying people with whom you have a rapport or a synergy and then establishing some common ground. Launching straight into an elevator pitch is counter-productive and you are much better off building the relationship first before worrying about the details.
We prefer to refer people we 'know, like and trust'. When you first meet people they aren't necessarily interested in what you do. It's more likely that they'll be focusing on what you can do for them.
If you hear advice that you should understand your USP or Unique Selling Point before going to a networking event, don't pay too much attention. What should be truly unique about you when you meet people for the very first time is your personality.
Focus on building relationships first, get people to want to know what you do because they like you. They then will naturally want to know how they can help you.