It was recently announced that there will soon be some 250 new emojis. Yay!!
In honor of this new era in little Japanese pictograms, we thought we'd pay tribute to the classics. To do so, we've ranked the 100 best emojis, not according to frequency of use as the smart people at FiveThirtyEight recently did, but according to a more scientific set of criteria that is definitely not just our own personal opinion.
Without further ado, here are the 100 greatest emoji:
100. The '100' Symbol Thing
This one only made it because of this article's headline.
99. Floppy Disk
Could you even fit all the emojis on one of these?
98. Fax Machine
Because you never know when you're going to need to text someone about faxing using a device that's made faxing technologically obsolete.
According to this emoji, hurricanes are about as scary as swirl doodles.
Oh, you didn't know octopuses only have four legs and huge heads?
95. Angry Face
For when you get angry about factually inaccurate emojis.
94. Strong Arm
This also works when you're agitated.
But we don't condone gun violence.
91. Wolf Face
Wait, is this a wolf, corgi, fox, dingo, puppet or dog?
Ah yes, a sun to use when pretending you're on vacation in the middle of January.
89. Palm Tree
Lying under one of these...
...wearing one of these.
87. Party Popper
According to a survey of everyone I've ever known, this can be used for any occasion whatsoever, no matter how little fun you expect to have.
86. Musical Notes
Different emoji, same idea.
Best used when combined with a little...
83. Thumbs Up
I think we all get this one.
Because you're a winner, goddammit!
81. Walking Man
Just look at that sad slouch and sorrowful gaze.
80. Running Man
So few places to go and people to see.
Because time is...
Wait for it...
But the best things in life are...
72. Broken Heart
While it lasts.
71. Weepy Face
It is better to have loved and lost than not to have texted an emoji heart at all.
70. Revolving Hearts
Or several hearts.
But it's so EASY to text emoji hearts.
68. Four Leaf Clover
We're up all night texting emojis to get lucky.
67. Lady Bug
Just like this auspicious insect.
66. Input Symbols For Symbols
We're not really sure what this symbol emoji means or what it's for, but that's a lot of &%#@ing symbols.
65. Weary Face
This is the saddest emoji in the world.
What's that thing on its cheek?
Like Casper, but cuter.
62. Goblin Man
This thing, however, is terrifying.
61. Scaredy Face
See how freaked out we are?
60. Puppy Dog
But there's nothing to be afraid of with this adorable puppy around.
Feeling much better now.
58. Smiley Face
57. Smiling Baby
Ahhhhh! Well, not all babies are adorable.
56. Real Pig
This pig is pretty cool.
55. Cartoon Pig
But this one is better.
54. Cartoon Pig Nose
And this one is even better.
Still paying attention?
52. Santa Claus
Because Santa certainly is.
Sort of looks like he's walking on a surfboard, but whatever.
What happens when you have a few glasses of these...
...and a lot of these?
48. Baby Crawling
This. Followed by vomiting.
47. Bowling Ball With Stand
Shut up with your "it's a crystal ball."
46. Plane Seat
Don't you wish airplane seats were actually this big?
45. Roller Coaster
Always a good metaphor for life.
44. Fire With Name Tag (?)
Perfect for your high school reunion so you can meet old... what are they called?
42. Oncoming Bus
Whoever wrote #43 and #44 should be hit with one.
41. Help Desk Lady
40. Water Wave
Emoji imitating art.
39. Fish Flag
We challenge you to use this one in a serious text.
38. No Good Gesture
Rejection, thy name is emoji.
37. Goblin Man
Goblin man is sad now.
36. A Beer
One beer is great.
35. Clinking Beers
Two beers is better.
34. Pepperoni Pizza
Can't say this is the most appetizing animated piece of pizza we've ever seen.
But, actually, this burger does look kind of delicious.
32. Sleepy Face
The truest emoji.
31. Zombie Family
At least they're still together.
Unsure when the best time to use this volcano emoji is.
But if there's ever a real volcano, remember this emoji newspaper about volcanoes.
Handy when telling your friends you're yachting.
Handy when trying to tell your friends you're on a cruise from hell, have a contagious disease and haven't showered in several weeks.
26. Heart Eyes
Good one for your boyfriend!
25. Cat Heart Eyes
Even better one for your "other" boyfriend.
24. Kissy Face
Perfect for your boss.
23. Soon Arrow
As in this post will be over soon. Handy right?
Note: This is not the emoji for hospital. In case of emergency, the hospital emoji is one row up and four to the right from this one on your phone's emoji keyboard.
21. Love Hotel
Because everybody loves a shady sexual tryst in a dirty motel room that smells like cigarettes and Funyuns.
20. Sunglasses Face
You know what's cool? This emoji.
19. Folding Hands/Praying/Wai
You know what's not cool? Bros that use this emoji to thank you for a favor you didn't want to do for them in the first place.
Nailed 'em. Bullseye!
Pro-tip: If you see a man with a moustache like this, don't go near him.
15. Statue of Liberty
Ummm, is the Statue of Liberty crying here? Don't cry America.
What is that? A bridge?
13. Stuck Out Tongue With Closed Eyes
12. Knife And Fork
For only the most civilized of emoji diners.
We get it, you're up to something and you really want us to text back before you're going to let us know.
I like turtles.
9. See-No-Evil Monkey
This monkey's cute because it cannot see.
8. Speak-No-Evil Monkey
This one because it can't talk.
7. Hear-No-Evil Monkey
This one because it can't hear anything.
6. Regular Monkey
This monkey has none of those problems. But we love it anyway.
5. Shocked Face
That awkward moment when...
4. Bowing Deeply? Yoga? Squatting?
...whatever's happening here happens.
3. Tears of Joy
This emoji is tripping very hard right now.
This thing looks like Barney the Dinosaur's... nevermind.
1. Poop? Or Chocolate Soft Serve Monster?
Obviously, the poop emoji is #1. Just look at those eyes.