The turkey is gone, Bucks Fizz is no longer an appropriate breakfast beverage, and first-day-back-at-school anxiety is abundant.
It only feels like yesterday that we were here, but now our boss is expecting us back at our desk looking bright eyed and bushy tailed (shame we’re all still hungover from New Year’s Eve).
So while you pretend you’re working, we secretly know you’ll be doing these 14 things this week instead.
1. Worrying that you’ve forgotten what your job is.
Just, give me a minute.
2. Realising the IT guy has reset all your passwords.
Locked out of your computer ’til lunch time.
3. Saying ‘fine’ whenever anyone asks how your New Year was.
It was shit, the same as yours.
4. Complaining about how hard it was to get up for work.
Just so tired.
5. Trying to work out who has stolen your chair.
Every. Bloody. Time.
6. Writing 2019 on everything.
‘My brain is just not working today.’
7. Pretending to read the 3,746 emails in your inbox.
8. Despising all your colleagues who had the foresight to book more time off.
We don’t want to ever see your face round here again.
9. Avoiding that person you took home after the Christmas party.
Everything seems like a good idea in December.
10. Contemplating all the admin you put off doing before.
11. Clearing away all the Christmas debris on your desk.
The cards, fairy lights, tinsel, and that half-eaten mince pie.
12. Throwing away all your dead pot plants.
Who knew two weeks of central heating could do so much damage?
13. Bringing salad for lunch.
Because we are poor and fat.
14. Browsing the internet looking for cheap flights and holidays.
We’re not ready to be back here.