Kids may say the silliest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My kids’ superpower is using 24 different cups in a day to drink 3 cups of water.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 30, 2021
What did parents do before smart phones like push the swing with both hands or something?
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) August 29, 2021
this isn't as bad as i thought it was going to be.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 2, 2021
-my 12yo complimenting dinner
My daughter wanted to go play in our flooded yard and I had to explain the concept of poop water to her
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) September 2, 2021
Me: how was your first day?
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) September 2, 2021
12, in tears: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME MIDDLE SCHOOL DOESN’T HAVE A PLAYGROUND
Playdates were invented to force parents to clean their home
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 29, 2021
My 7yo was mad at me, so she wrote me a "No Thank You" card and told me I better watch out. This is exactly what I imagine it feels like to be threatened by a Care Bear.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) August 29, 2021
I appreciate the thought, kindergarten, but my son doesn't need 3 days off for Labor Day. He's actually unemployed and lazy af.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 30, 2021
I was lightly scolded by my wife and oldest daughter for using the baby as a table. They’re just mad they didn’t think of it first. pic.twitter.com/BTUmJEcckM
— Terence (@TOPolk) August 28, 2021
i pay for netflix, hulu, and disney plus and all these damn kids want to watch is cupcake decorating videos on youtube
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 28, 2021
5: I’ll fix it when you say “sorry” fifty times
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) September 3, 2021
3: ok. sorry fifty times
Parenting Hack: Any dessert that can't be split evenly between your kids is now yours.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) September 2, 2021
What I thought I’d be like as a parent: “Come, children! Let us frolic and play and have fun! Every day is magic!”
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) August 29, 2021
What I’m actually like as a parent:
“Mommy look! I made a man out of Play Doh and he’s always happy!”
“ALWAYS? Well that sounds exhausting.”
My 5-year-old is learning about exercise & endurance, but he keeps saying insurance. Yesterday, he asked me if you need good insurance when you run. I told him at my age, you had better.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) August 28, 2021
School drop off me and school pick up me are not the same person
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) August 30, 2021
"Why don't you eat a fruit?" I yell at my kid through a mouthful of Cheez-Its.
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) August 29, 2021
Peter Pan seems like a fun read until it’s an hour past bedtime and you’re trying to convince your kid that she always has to tell you before she leaves the house, even if it’s through the window in the middle of the night with a magical flying man
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 30, 2021
At this point in my life, all of my clothes come from places that also sell groceries and tires.
— Mommy Meme Jeans (@mommymemejeans) September 2, 2021
If by sneaky link you mean eating a bowl of ice cream and pretending it’s a spicy bowl of noodles when my kids ask what’s that, then yeah I got a sneaky sneaky
— Yelisa (@motherplaylist) August 31, 2021
In hell, there are no flames. Only overly exhausted kindergarteners crying about how they aren’t tired.
— Marissa 💚🍃💛 (@michimama75) August 31, 2021
What I’m presently doing appears to be causing my parents great consternation. I shall forge ahead.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) August 28, 2021
- Toddlers
Welcome to parenthood.
— SpunkyDame (@DameSpunky) August 23, 2021
You now have popsicle scissors.