December has arrived, bringing Elf on the Shelf, gingerbread and mulled wine – and all the Christmas decorations.
But decorating your home for the festive season is no simple feat, especially when you have kids’ expectations to contend with. Here are 50 hilarious tweets about decorating for Christmas from parents (and a few non-parents) who’ve been there.
Christmas decorations should come with coupons for couples counseling.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 28, 2015
I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 25, 2017
I'm sorry that I ran over all of your inflatable Christmas decorations.— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) December 3, 2014
The prettier the Christmas lights on the outside, the more dysfunctional the family on the inside.— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) December 17, 2013
*forgetting the name for christmas decorations*— kim thanks 🦃 (@KimmyMonte) November 26, 2017
please pass me the tree earrings
I liked Christmas lights a lot more when I wasn't involved in putting them up.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 4, 2015
I chuckled this morning as I named the front door Christmas decoration, "Keith the Wreath." My daughter just looked at me like I'm an idiot.— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) December 20, 2013
Here’s a little song I wrote about putting up outdoor Christmas decorations it’s called “Fuck You Fucking Christmas Lights You Fucking Fucks” and a one and a two— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 1, 2018
Half of this strand of Christmas lights doesn’t work so I’m just going to ball it back up and toss it in the bin so it can piss me off again next year.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 25, 2017
My kids: Can we decorate for Christmas now?!— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) November 29, 2019
Me: Sure. [puts Santa hat on pumpkin]
A computer the size of a city block can now fit in your pocket yet a whole strand of Christmas lights still goes dark when 1 bulb burns out.— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) December 6, 2015
Getting so many great bargains on holiday decorations I won't remember I bought next Christmas.— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 27, 2015
My husband just brought in 8 boxes of shiny, jingly, Christmas decorations and left me to decorate with three kids so he could do non-time-sensitive pool maintenance.— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 8, 2018
If he survives it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's that lovely, peaceful time of year when my husband spends all his time alone in the garage detangling the Christmas lights.— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) November 27, 2016
For every hundred Christmas lights you staple to your house, an angel loses its will to live.— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 11, 2011
I get it black people. I'm scared of the white folks that decorate their front lawn with ginormous Christmas decorations too.— 🎄EnvyDaTropic™🎄 (@envydatropic) November 20, 2014
Me: "I need your muscles."— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) November 30, 2014
Him (sexily): "Mmm... for what?"
Me: "Bringing up the Christmas decorations."
Multi-colored lights are the Crocs of Christmas lights.— Frank Lowe (@GayAtHomeDad) November 29, 2013
8-year-old: Why didn't you put up any Christmas lights outside?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 18, 2018
Me: We don't have any outlets out there.
8: Why not?
Me: Because I'm smart.
I'm just gonna say it. Every year when I see no snow states decorate with snowmen for the holidays I roll my eyes.— The Next Martha (@TheNextMartha) November 24, 2015
Untangling my headphone cord all year is good training for Christmas lights.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 4, 2017
*silently judges your Christmas tree decorations*— snowjob ☃️ (@canadasandra) December 17, 2013
Buying the love of my children one inflatable Christmas lawn decoration at a time.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 29, 2015
Hey, let's drive around & look at Christmas lights so that the kids can whine about not wanting to drive around & look at Christmas lights.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 17, 2017
"Be more careful!" I yell to my kids, as I dangle from the roof putting up Christmas lights.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 25, 2017
Wife: thank you for not going crazy with the Christmas decorations this year.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) December 9, 2018
Me: no problem.
Wife: wait-where’s the baby?
The adult version of Tetris is trying to fit all your Christmas decorations back in the boxes they came out of.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) December 30, 2017
Ever drive by your neighbor's holiday display & ask "were you drunk while decorating?"— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 8, 2015
No? Just me?
My kids want to help me put Christmas lights outside which is good because I wanted it to take 3 more hours.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 28, 2014
'no leave me alone I'm already pissed!'— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 30, 2019
'omg! Seriously wtf!'
'i hate every single thing around me'
- my wife in the Christmas mood hanging Garland decorations
Today is the day we put up the Christmas lights, also known as “Swear Day.”— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 24, 2017
The main difference between men and women is women can remember the backstory for every Christmas decoration and I want to watch football.— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) December 6, 2015
If yours' is the house on the street with the most Christmas decorations, you better goddamn have full-size candy bars on Halloween— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) December 23, 2014
Going to the storage unit to get the Christmas decorations.— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) November 26, 2016
Pretty sure they're buried behind a mountain of debris we keep "just in case."
Billion dollar idea: holiday decorations that dissolve after 6 days.— Jenni Konner (@JenniKonner) November 2, 2012
Decorating for Christmas with the kids is magical. I sip the whiskey I hid in the attic while they wait for me to find the decorations.— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) December 11, 2011
Take advantage of your neighbors' holiday decorating feud by letting one of them decorate your place too— Megalicious (@meghaffer) November 7, 2019
I may only be married once, I may get married 5 times. But at least one of my marriages is going to end because of Christmas decorations.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 14, 2015
Kids are like realtors when Christmas lights are up around the neighborhood. They just want you to keep driving around and looking at houses— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) December 19, 2016
Weird, my neighbor is putting up his Christmas lights while at the same time, I am taking down my Christmas lights from last year.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 4, 2017
Mentioned that I upgraded to LED Christmas lights in front of a bunch of rival dads. No big deal.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 19, 2019
Now we are going to string Christmas lights which means tonight is the worst night of the year.— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 8, 2013
On a scale of 1-10 broken holiday decorations, how is your holiday season going? Mine's a 4, but the season is still young.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) December 17, 2018
Kids and holiday decorating go together like puppies and twisters.— The Alex Nevil, Part Time Human (@TheAlexNevil) December 2, 2015
The amount of time and energy we spend putting up and taking down holiday decorations tells me our 'top of the food chain' claim is invalid.— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) December 14, 2013
Judge: On the charge of murder, how do you plead?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 20, 2014
Me: He put up Christmas lights before Thanksgiving.
Judge: Not guilty.
And suddenly the neighbors who left their Christmas lights up all year seem like geniuses.— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) November 27, 2014