What a week. As if dealing with the hazy knowledge of what you got up to at the office Christmas party wasn’t bad enough, it also became apparent that our country’s infrastructure can be brought down by a radio-controlled toy. Possibly.
Such is the magnitude of the drama, ministers will discuss the Gatwick Airport drone drama in a Christmas Eve conference call.
Yet authorities have no suspects, no motive and the latest possibility is there was never a drone in the first place. How the hell did this happen?
Wednesday December 19
9pm – Gatwick suspends flights in and out of the airport after reports of two drones flying near the airfield. Some planes are diverted to other airports.
Jake the drone photographer obliviously tweets his fantastic picture of Gatwick captured just that morning.
Thursday December 20
3am – The runway reopens
3:45am – The runway shuts again after a further report of drone sightings
3:50pm – The Ministry of Defence says police are in “ongoing discussions” with the Army about assisting with the operation to find the drones.
The public helpfully make their own suggestions.
Lob some loo roll at it.
Ship in these dapper Dutch birds.
Even Her Maj* was losing patience.
*not actually Her Maj
9:30pm – The airport’s chief operating officer Chris Woodroofe says the airport will remain closed for the rest of the evening after drone activity was reported “within the last hour”.
Meanwhile on the ground, those waiting in Gatwick were expressing their frustration including Jackie, who said whoever was responsible “needs hanging”.
Outside Gatwick and in the comfort of their own armchairs, the Twitterati was ploughing full steam ahead with a number of conspiracy theories.
Apparently the government was up to something so dastardly that they’d rather the British public believed they had absolutely no contingency plan in place to stop a single drone bringing the country’s second-largest airport to total standstill.
Although, come to think of it, these two chaps did look a bit suspicious.
Friday December 21
5:58am – According to flight tracking website Flightradar24, a plane from East Midlands Airport lands at Gatwick.
5:26pm - Flights suspended again due to a “suspected drone sighting”. Passengers aboard one flight given inadvertent tour of south-west England.
6:31pm - Airport reopens after operators were reassured that military measures in place mean it is safe to fly despite a “confirmed sighting of a drone”.
Saturday December 22
1:31am - Two people arrested in connection with the “criminal use of drones”. Both identified by some media outlets and Piers Morgan.
Sunday December 23
11:21am - Two people released without charge.
11:29am - Piers Morgan apologises
3:48pm - Damaged drone found by police.
7:34pm - Asked about speculation there was never a drone, Sussex Police said: “Of course, that’s a possibility. We are working with human beings saying they have seen something.”
7:35pm - The heads of everyone in the UK collectively explode.
Merry Christmas everyone.