ENTERTAINMENT
26/08/2019 15:29 BST | Updated 21/09/2020 13:11 BST

Great British Bake Off: From Penis Loaves To A Giant Meringue Turd, These Are The Rudest Bakes Ever

Yes we know it's childish, but we defy you not to laugh.

Anyone who watches The Great British Bake Off already knows that each episode is usually packed with more innuendo than all of the Carry On films combined. 

However, from time to time, the double entendres spill over into the bakes themselves, with the contestants’ crude creations reducing viewers (and often the judges) to giggling school children. 

With a new series ready to be served up, here we take a look back at some of the rudest bakes the tent has ever seen...

1. Andrew’s jousting pole (2016)

BBC

Bake Off’s first-ever Tudor Week produced this classic as Andrew Smyth presented judges Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry with marzipan knights on horseback complete with caramel jousting poles. 

We’ll leave it to you to guess what everyone had to say about this knight’s long pole. 

2. Julia’s snail trail (2017)

Channel 4

Who knew an innocent snail chilling out under a mushroom could look so, well, like a penis. 

2017 contestant Julia Chernogorova even realised the likeness, saying of her Bread Week showstopper: “That just looks inappropriate.”

Well, that’s one way of describing it. 

3. Sophie’s cork-popper (2017)

Channel 4

Sophie Faldo may have won the first Channel 4 series of Bake Off, but that wasn’t before she’d left host Noel Fielding speechless with this number. 

In fairness, when you realise that she was actually crafting a champagne bottle out of chocolate, it doesn’t look quite as rude as it does out of context. Almost. 

4. Tom’s phallic loaf (2016)

BBC

Arguably the most famous Bake Off gaffe of them all.

Tom Gilford’s savoury plaited centre piece he presented as his Bread Week showstopper was not something most people would want in the middle of their table at a dinner party. 

Although it would certainly be a conversation starter. 

5. Dan’s ‘what the hell is he holding?’ showstopper (2018)

Channel 4

Having been tasked to make a biscuit self portrait depicting a scene that was personal to them, 2018 contestant Dan Beasley-Harling decided to make something that featured his eldest child as a baby, after he’d been born via surrogate. 

Now, there’s no denying it was a work of art, but look closely at the baby’s pink blanket and you’ll understand why it raised more than a few smirks.

6. Yan’s cockolate puddings (2017)

Channel 4

Scientist Yan Tsou unwittingly presented six chocolate puddings in rather phallic arrangement during the technical challenge back in 2017.

No jokes about oozing centres here. We’re much too mature for that. 

7. Stacey’s technical gets the finger (2017)

Channel 4

Channel 4′s first Bread Week prompted innuendos galore when Paul set them a technical challenge of baking a cottage, with a lot of chat about floured fingers. 

However, when Stacey Hart revealed she knew exactly the right technique to get the two layers of dough to stick together, it led to this particular moment. 

“What Paul does is he sticks his fingers in the flour and he does down like that with two fingers, and goes up and down like that”, Stacey explained. “I just know how Paul likes it”.

We’re saying nothing. 

8. Rylan’s poo-moji (2019)

Channel 4

Having reached the finals of Celebrity MasterChef, big things were expected when Rylan Clark-Neal entered the tent for a Stand Up To Cancer special earlier this year. 

However, after being set to challenge to make a scene out of meringue depicting their happy place, the presenter had viewers howling as he cooked up a literal poo emoji. 

He was attempting to make a beach scene that reminded him of time he spent in Ibiza, with the meringue stack (which was covered in chocolate) supposed to represent a rock in the ocean. But presenters Noel Fielding and Sandi Toksvig were at pains to point out what it looked like. 

“Wow, you’re going to find that dog and punish it,” Sandi joked. 

“I’m going to have to glitter it, ain’t I?” Rylan replied. 

“Literally polishing a turd,” Noel added. 

9. Joe gives it a good crack (2019)

Channel 4

We love it when comedians are let loose in the Bake Off tent, and Joe Wilkinson did not disappoint during his Stand Up To Cancer stint.

He decided to base his Showstopper cake on his actual bum, with his design including a thong wedged into the crack of his bum, complete with a “I ❤ GHERKINS” tattoo.

Iconic. 

10. Russell’s vagina stops the show (2019)

Channel 4

When Russell Brand appeared on one of 2019′s charity specials, he and his fellow contestants were tasked with recreating their “greatest performance” through the medium of baking. 

He decided to make a miniature version of his wife in the throes of childbirth, complete with a birthing pool, a recreation of a vagina, a “confectionary placenta” and a figure of himself watching on.

Well, you didn’t think Russell was going to play it safe, did you?

Photo gallery Great British Bake Off 2019: Meet The Contestants See Gallery