Dating can feel like a bit of a minefield at times. Talking stages that feel like job interviews, trying to find a sexy-but-casual spot for the first date and keeping up with all the current dating trends and lingo... It’s a part time job in itself.
This is even more true for those of us who are neurodivergent. Getting through day-to-day casual interactions with ‘unspoken’ (WHY) etiquette rules and expectations is hard enough, but bring the uncertainty and anxiety of dating into the mix and we have a recipe for socially awkward disaster.
Thankfully, there are neurodivergent dating apps such as Hiki and Mattr to help neurodiverse people find matches, getting through dates themselves is still tough.
Dr. Selina Warlow, founder of The Nook Clinic and a neurodivergence expert, says the key to neurodivergent dating is understanding and embracing differences.
“Dating as a neurodivergent person — or with a neurodivergent partner — means stepping away from traditional norms and focusing on what works for you. It’s about creating meaningful connections in ways that feel authentic and manageable.”
Four tips for navigating dating as a neurodivergent person
Be honest about how you communicate
Dr Warlow urges: “Your directness is a strength. If small talk or subtle cues don’t come naturally, lean into clear and honest conversations. Being upfront about what you’re looking for or any boundaries can help set the tone early, building trust and connection.”
Choose venues that work for you
While bars and restaurants are the common choices for date locations, for those of us that struggle with noise sensitivity, they’re hell.
Dr Warlow suggests instead choosing environments which will help you to feel comfortable and present. She says quiet cafés, a nature walk or activity-based outings like visiting museums or playing board games can make connection easier and more enjoyable.
Don’t feel the need to mask
While masking may feel essential for this kind of thing, Dr Warlow encourages asking for what you need. This means that if you prefer structured plans or need time to process emotions, let your date know.
“Sharing this openly helps set realistic expectations and allows both of you to enjoy the experience without unnecessary stress”, she adds.
Lead with your interests
Forget leaving your comfort zone, staying right in it can be a great way to connect, according to Dr Warlow.
“Whether it’s art, history, or a niche hobby, suggesting a date around something you genuinely enjoy can make the experience more relaxed and engaging for both of you.”
Being your authentic self is essential
Finally, Dr Warlow says: “The key to navigating dating as a neurodiverse person is embracing your authentic self. When you’re open about your needs and preferences, you’re far more likely to find a connection that works for both of you.”
Couldn’t agree more.