When my kids were little, I was always amazed at how the day could swiftly morph into something totally different from what I'd expected. One minute, I'd be fixing dinner, and the next a child would come stumbling in the front door with a gashed lip, needing to be rushed to the emergency room because he'd fallen off his bike.
Or, I'd have a busy day of shopping, cleaning and writing in mind, only to wake up in the morning and find that my son had a temp of 102, and needed to stay home from school and be brought to the doctor. Even with older kids, the unexpected often happens.
Rugby games gone awry (unplanned visits to the orthopedist!), breakups with girlfriends (an emergency trip home from college for some rest and recuperation), sudden changes in majors (Music? What ever happened to neuroscience?) Life as a parent is often unpredictable.
In spite of this, it's still my experience--having raised three sons--that we can actually make our own day as a parent. Of course, you have to be ready to go with the flow when your child has a tummy ache or a tantrum. But you can also envision a peaceful, productive day with your kids, and actually plan for it. Maybe it won't happen. But what's to lose?
In the yoga classes I attend (I practice many types of yoga, but primarily Kundalini Yoga, often called "the Yoga of Awareness"), we learn that thoughts and words can create reality. For this reason, I try to wake up in the morning thinking and believing that the day is going to go well.
In fact, I've often noticed that when I start my day worrying and predicting that things are going to go badly, that's often when they do. Even before I get out of bed in the morning, I tell myself that it's going to be a wonderful day.
When I was a child, my mother often planned my day. I don't mean she scheduled my day the way many mums do now. I mean, she actually sat down and mapped out fun things for me to do. (Of course, my mum didn't work outside the home, and she had to keep me out of her hair so she could do the laundry, cooking and cleaning.) I had only one or two after-school activities (scouting and piano lessons) and plenty of time just to BE.
My mother (who did not practice yoga, and probably didn't even know what it was) was as patient and kind as any yogini I've ever met. My day often consisted of free play (paper dolls, drawing, board games), riding my bike, playing with friends, or reading.
Yes, there were times when I fell off my bike and scraped my knees or woke up with a sore throat, but most of the days my mum planned came true. She envisioned for me a happy, peaceful childhood, and that's exactly what I had.
When I was raising my own kids, my mum passed this advice on to me: Make a schedule for the day, she suggested, and write it down on paper. In the morning take a walk, looking for feathers, leaves, or special rocks. Pack a lunch and take it to the park. Include nap time, reading time, and free time. Make a trip to the grocery store a chance to talk about the colours of vegetables.
My mother wasn't a control freak and she believed in spontaneous play, but she also saw the power of planning.
Today, we call this setting an intention. My mom knew that kids (when they're not in school) depend on parents for direction, limits, and routine. There's an order to the universe, and for a child, that order depends, in part, on us.
Life, parenting, and yoga are all about balance. We plan for the future, but we embrace the present moment. We see in our mind's eye the outcome we desire, but we don't attach to it; if something else comes along, we adjust.
As parents and as yogis and yoginis we learn that life is full of surprises (some good, some not so good, some just plain painful), but we also learn that most of the time all is well, especially if we not only imagine it to be, but also trust that it will be.
When my kids were little there were days (and even now, as they have become young men) when everything went just as I'd imagined. And there were days when everything was topsy turvey and upside down.
There are times when kids spin out of control and there seems to be nothing we can do about it.
But if we take a moment to breathe, centre ourselves, and set an intention for how our days will go with our kids, the universe is likely to align with our thoughts. When you wake up in the morning, imagine that your children are going to behave like happy, creative little angels. I'll bet that nine times out of ten, your vision will come true.
Read more parenting posts from Kathryn Livingston at Body in Balance.