There are lots of things we’re told about pregnancy, but when it actually happens to you, you realise there’s so much more to learn. In Unexpected, we’ll chart some of the less spoken about things that happen in the months between finding out you’re pregnant and giving birth.
Those two parallel lines are unmistakable – you’re having a baby. But now that the pregnancy test has confirmed your suspicions (or given you the shock of a lifetime) what are you meant to do?!
We often hear about the moment people found out they were pregnant – where they were, how they told their partner, how they reacted. We see it in films and TV shows, time and time again. There are tears, hugs, dazed faces.
But we never quite get to hear about the aftermath of that. For people experiencing their first pregnancy, the next few weeks following a positive test can be the weirdest limbo period.
Do you tell people? If so, who do you tell? Are you meant to call a doctor – or someone else? At what point do you see a midwife? Are there things you should immediately change for the sake of the little life growing inside of you?
You might find yourself constantly checking tissue paper after going to the toilet, expecting to see blood. You might feel excited, anxious or stressed, and most probably a bit overwhelmed by it all.
“The thing I remember feeling is: you feel at a bit of a loss as to what to do,” says Louise Broadbridge, aka The Honest Midwife, who runs an early pregnancy workshop for those struggling to navigate this limbo period. “You feel like you want to be busy planning.”
Here, she walks us through what to do in those weird weeks between finding out you’re pregnant and your first midwife appointment.
1. Assess how you’re feeling
For so many people, finding out they’re pregnant can be a hugely exciting time. Equally, for lots of other people, it’s not necessarily the news they hoped for.
If you’re not totally over the moon about the two lines on the test in front of you – and are actually very anxious or worried about what happens next – it’s really important to be kind to yourself, says Broadbridge, and give yourself the time to get your head around this huge news.
“It is really normal to be really overwhelmed,” she explains. “Even if you did want a baby and had been trying for a baby, suddenly being told that you’re pregnant is quite an overwhelming feeling. Any emotion that someone feels when they’re finding out they’re having a baby is a normal emotion – there’s no wrong reaction to it.”
If you have decided you’d like to continue with your pregnancy, you can skip to the next part. But if you’re still undecided, it’s really important to now surround yourself with the people you trust – including your partner, if you’re in a relationship. “Talk to the people that are closest to you, that you trust the most, about how you’re feeling,” the midwife advises.
And really think about who are the right people to talk about it with – and who are the wrong people. “You’ve got to have people that are going to be really balanced to support you in whatever your decisions are,” she adds.
After weighing up all options, some people might decide it is best to terminate the pregnancy. “It’s just about taking these decisions really slowly,” says Broadbridge, who suggests considering the impact terminating or keeping a pregnancy will have on your life.
There are many reasons people might choose to have an abortion, including not being financially prepared, having issues with their partner, or not feeling emotionally or mentally ready.
The midwife continues: “It’s just about working out what time you’ve got; talking to your GP sooner rather than later just so that you can start to get the ball rolling [with termination], so you’re not doing it at a time when it’s more physically demanding; and making sure you are keeping lines of communication open with the people around you so they know how you’re dealing with it.”
2. Call your GP
After you’ve found out you’re pregnant and the initial shock has worn off, your next best port of call is to phone your GP to let them know the news.
This doesn’t mean you’ll be booked in to see your GP the following week however. In fact, what happens next will depend on where you live and the health services in the area. Most people will find they’re advised by their GP to self-refer to the local hospital.
“It’s going to vary from hospital to hospital – generally it’s a self-referral, but you can either go to your GP and ask for the contact number for the local hospital or Google your local maternity unit,” says the senior registered midwife.
“There’s no fixed, clear ‘this is the way to go’ ... But I would say your GP surgery is going to be a good place to start, with the understanding that the likelihood is you’re going to make that phone call and then have to make another one.”
The first appointment you have with a midwife should take place before you’re 10 weeks pregnant. This appointment, called your booking appointment, will go over yours – and your partner’s, if applicable – health history. You’ll also have some blood taken, provide a urine sample, have your blood pressure tested and they’ll figure out your BMI.
3. Start taking folic acid
Your booking appointment is in the diary. Now what? Well, as your first appointment can take a few weeks to be set up, it’s crucial that you make some immediate changes after finding out you’re expecting (if you’re not already doing so).
It’s recommended people take folic acid prior to getting pregnant but if you haven’t been, don’t worry – just make sure you start taking supplements as soon as possible after finding out, as this is really crucial for your baby’s development. You’re advised to take 400 micrograms of folic acid every day.
“It doesn’t need to be a pregnancy vitamin, you can just go and buy folic acid tablets, and that’s really important because it reduces the risk of spina bifida [when a baby’s spine and spinal cord does not develop properly in the womb],” says Broadbridge.
4. Figure out the date of your last period
This can be a bit of a faff to figure out, but it’s worth taking some time to think about when the first date of your last period was, as you’ll get asked this a lot – including when you self-refer to a hospital and meet with your midwife.
Despite it being super early days, you can also calculate the rough due date of your baby using the first date of your last period. Intrigued? Try the Tommy’s due date calculator. Although be warned: the date will probably change after your 12-week scan as this is when they measure your baby and can come up with a more accurate due date. But it shouldn’t change by much.
5. Scrap the cod liver oil
While some supplements are recommended for growing a healthy baby, there are also vitamins which are on the naughty list – and vitamin A is certainly one of them. Pregnant people are urged to stop taking cod liver oil or any supplements containing vitamin A as too much of the vitamin can harm your baby.
6. Tell someone
The first trimester can be a pretty fraught period as the risk of miscarriage is higher – 85% of miscarriages happen between weeks one to 12. On top of that, you’re probably experiencing a raft of unpleasant symptoms – possibly even pregnancy sickness.
While you might not want to go broadcasting your pregnancy to the whole world at this point, it might help to tell one (or two) trusted people – whether that’s your mum, dad, a close friend or your grandma.
Simply having someone else who knows what you’re going through can make you feel less alienated during this period. And if you do experience any issues, you will have that trusted someone to comfort and support you during that difficult time rather than going it alone.
7. Ditch the booze (and cigs)
It’s recommended people completely cut out alcohol when they find out they’re pregnant. This is crucial as drinking alcohol, especially in the first three months of pregnancy, increases the risk of miscarriage, premature birth and your baby having a low birthweight, according to the NHS.
Broadbridge (who can be found on Instagram @TheHonestMidwife) acknowledges that it might be more difficult with giving up smoking. “We would be advising people, if they feel able, to definitely stop smoking,” she says. “And even if they don’t feel able to stop smoking, to at least try cutting down.”
8. Watch what you eat
There are lots of things we’re told to eat – and not eat – after finding out we’re pregnant. Often this can vary depending on which generation you’re speaking to: your grandma and mum, for example, might have been told to avoid different things which are now considered perfectly safe to eat.
The NHS advises you should steer clear of the following:
- mould-ripened soft cheeses with a white coating on the outside, such as brie and camembert (unless cooked until steaming hot)
- soft blue cheeses such as danish blue, gorgonzola and roquefort (unless cooked until steaming hot)
- any unpasteurised milk
- any foods made from unpasteurised milk, such as soft goats’ cheese
- raw or undercooked meat
- liver and liver products
- all types of pâté, including vegetarian pâté
- game meats such as goose, partridge or pheasant
- cold cured meats, such as salami, pepperoni, chorizo and prosciutto (unless cooked thoroughly)
- raw or partially cooked eggs that are not British Lion stamped
- duck, goose or quail eggs, unless cooked thoroughly until the whites and yolks are solid
- swordfish, marlin, shark and raw shellfish
- sushi, unless it’s been frozen first.
Many women are increasingly turning to data-led findings from experts like Professor Emily Oster, which they find useful in informing the decisions they make about which foods and drinks they consume while pregnant.
In her book Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong, Prof Oster narrows down the restricted food list to a few items including rare meat and poultry, unwashed fruits and vegetables, raw-milk cheese, and deli turkey, according to The Cut.
9. Consider your caffeine intake
The good news is you don’t have to cut out caffeine completely if you’re pregnant (although that’s not to say you can’t, some people find it a useful exercise in cutting down!).
The official advice is that you can have caffeine, but should ideally be having no more than 200mg per day. To put that into perspective, there’s 100mg of caffeine in a mug of instant coffee, 75mg in a mug of tea, and 40mg in a can of cola.
10. Try to relax
It’s easier said than done – believe us, we know – especially if you’ve previously experienced pregnancy loss, but it’s really important to try and stay relaxed.
“It’s such a horrible time of pregnancy because nobody knows you’re pregnant and you don’t know how you’re supposed to be feeling. I would advise to avoid Googling at all costs,” says Broadbridge.
“Try and rest. It’s really hard because you’re still working and all that stuff – but make sure that when you have downtime, you’re taking notice of your body and if your body’s saying you’re tired, listen to it and try and rest.”
She urges people not to focus on every single twinge or ache or pain they’re having – and to try to go with the flow.
“It’s really easy to get focused on the smallest bit of discharge, or having an ache and a pain here, but the reality is we just don’t know,” she says.
“There is no answer as to whether what someone is feeling is normal until the body tells you it’s not normal – so unless you’re getting any major sign of bleeding, to a certain degree you’ve got to assume that everything’s alright, unless you’ve got real, extreme pain.”
