10 Things All English People Do On St Patrick’s Day

Claim Irish ancestry

It’s that time of year again, when we all remember that our great-grandfather may have been from Ireland (or was it Wales?) and use it as an excuse to get completely hammered.

So put on ‘Father Ted’, pray for rain and get ready to do these 10 things that everyone does on St Patrick’s Day.

1. Claim tenuous Irish ancestry.

2. Talk at length about your family tree.

3. Raid your wardrobe for anything green.

4. Start drinking at breakfast time.

5. Force yourself to order a pint of Guinness.

6. Remember why you only drink it once a year.

7. Remember this was all about some snakes.

8. Wish you’d stuck at those Irish dancing lessons.

9. Realise redheads are the true heroes of this holiday.

10. Decide an Irish passport is the only answer to a post-Brexit world.