Here are 11 reasons that all we want for Christmas this year is ourselves.
1. You have one less present to buy.
More money for personal presents.
2. You don’t have to explain your douchebag uncle to anyone.
Yes, Uncle Dave, we know you are pleased about Trump.
3. You won’t argue about which house to drive to on Boxing Day.
No I don’t want to sit on the M25 for three hours.
4. You don’t have to please your mother-in-law.
So glad I left my sofa for this.
5. You can wear flannel pyjamas for 72 hours straight.
No shame in this game.
6. You can watch Jingle All The Way without judgement.
It is a Christmas classic, okay?
7. You don’t have to explain your bizarre family traditions.
Sorry about that carrot on your chair.
8. You can eat as many brussels sprouts as you like.
And not worry about the repercussions.
9. You don’t have to defend them in the annual Monopoly fight.
The claws will come out.
10. You get to kiss anyone you like at midnight on NYE.
Choices, choices, choices.
11. You don’t have to worry about getting dumped in January.
This is a real thing, because people are cruel, heartless, present-grabbing twats.