The Top 20 Funniest Dad Jokes, According To Kids

Comedy gold 🏆

“Why does the crab never share? Because he’s shellfish!”

Dads are known for their cringe-worthy gags, but that’s the one that got the top spot in a ranking of the funniest dad jokes of all time – as voted by kids.

The poll of 2,000 children aged 7-12 from across the UK was commissioned by Beano ahead of Father’s Day last year.

Dads, if you’re looking for new material to make your kids giggle and groan this weekend, read on for comedy gold.

Nick David via Getty Images

The top 20 dad jokes, as voted for by kids:

1. Why did the crab never share? - Because he’s shellfish.

2. Did you hear the rumour about butter? - Well, I’m not going to spread it!

3. What do you call a man who can’t stand? - Neil.

4. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off!

5. Dad, did you get a haircut? - No, I got them all cut.

6. I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me.

7. What do you call a bear without any teeth? - A gummy bear!

8. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? - He couldn’t see himself doing it.

9. You know what the loudest pet you can get is? - A trumpet.

10. Why can’t T-Rexs clap their hands? - Because they are extinct.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day... but I couldn’t find any.

12. Why did the picture go to jail? - Because it was framed.

13. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? - Its very time-consuming.

14. What kind of tea you drink with the Queen? - Royal tea.

15. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? - Anna one, Anna two!

16. How do you cut the ocean in half? - With a sea-saw.

17= I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

17= Why did the tomato blush? - Because it saw the salad dressing.

19. Where do you learn to make ice cream? - Sundae school.

20. What do you call a small mother? - A minimum.

Despite the reputation of these jokes, three quarters of kids (77%) said they smile or laugh when their dad tells them jokes.

However, two thirds (66%) said their dad has embarrassed them in front of their friends by telling cringey puns in the past.

Almost all of the kids polled (92%) agreed their dad’s sense of humour is “one of the best things about him”. Cute.