Our children can feel overwhelmed by the pressure to perform, excel, keep up, whether thatâs striving for an A* in every test and exam or responding in the âcorrectâ way to every new image on social media. One in 10 children aged between 5 and 16 have a diagnosed mental health problem - thatâs three children in an average class.
âParents play a crucial role in promoting good mental health in their children and this has never been more important,â says James Harris from the Mental Health Foundation. âWe know that about 50% of adult mental health problems begin before the age of 15.â
So what can parents do to protect their children from this epidemic of anxiety and depression? We asked child psychotherapists, psychologists, mental health experts and parents to share their advice. And some of their suggestions may surprise you.
Itâs OK not to feel OK
âGood mental health is about managing your response to difficult events. Let your children know that we all feel angry or upset sometimes - and thatâs OK. Let them say the bad stuff first - that theyâre worried about the test, that they didnât get chosen for the football team, that they hate so-and-so. Acknowledge how they must be feeling and donât gloss over those important feelings with âitâll be fineâ platitudes or rush to try and sort it yourself.â
Child psychotherapist Rachel Melville-Thomas
Donât baby your child
âDonât do anything for your children that theyâre capable of doing for themselves. You will need to leave more time at first, but itâs worth it if you want to raise confident children who know how to think and act independently. Children have to learn to take a chance, not expect someone else to make life OK.â
Noel Janis-Norton, parenting educator and author of the Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting series.
Sleep matters
âWithout a good nightâs sleep, my children are simply unable to cope with what the day may throw at them. When itâs my teenagersâ bed time, they leave their devices downstairs so theyâre not tempted to watch one more video or lose another hour on Snapchat. That was the solution we came up with as a family - itâs not a trust issue, just that itâs easier if temptation is further away.â
Mum-of-three Jenny Beauchamp.
Keep talking - and listening
âThere are steps we can all take, young and old alike, to understand, protect and sustain good mental health. These include talking about your feelings and accepting who you are. Sometimes these conversations can be difficult, and children may not feel like they want to confide in a parent. When you suspect that your child is struggling it can be difficult to give them the space to discuss their feelings in their own time. Keep lines of communication open, these conversations often occur naturally at a point when your child feels comfortable discussing it.â
James Martin, spokesperson for the Mental Health Foundation.
Teach the value of kindness
âOur children are surrounded by images of perfection, particularly on social media. Talk to your children about whatâs real and whatâs important; whatâs on the inside rather than the outside - being kind, supportive, loyal, funny and how important it is to surround yourself with real friends, family members and people who love them for themselves.â
Rachel Melville-Thomas.
Empty praise is exactly that
âTelling children theyâre beautiful, clever, wonderful is just background noise. Itâs meaningless to them. But if you tell them how proud you were when they did something brave, didnât give up, tried hard, were kind to someone... that specific, earned praise means something to them and you can see them positively glow. Also, you can remind them of those occasions the next time they feel down or that they canât do something.â
Mum-of-two Jayne Humphries.
Teach that effort matters more than success
âEffort is in your childâs control but achievement isnât always.â
Clinical psychologist Linda Blair, author of The Happy Child: Everything You Need to Know to Raise Enthusiastic, Happy Children.
Talk about social media - a lot
âOur kids are exposed to nastiness - and fake perfectionism - in a way we never were because of social media, which is unavoidable. If someone is mean in the playground, you can avoid them, but social media allows people to feel detached, that their behaviour has no consequences. Engage in conversations with your children about what theyâre seeing and doing and how they feel. Look at what theyâre looking at. Itâs not enough to turn on a parental filter and think thatâs it.â
Child psychotherapist Rachel Melville-Thomas.
Show them no oneâs perfect
âAs parents and carers, you play a vital role in helping to prepare your children for the difficult times that life brings. Let your child know it is perfectly normal to feel upset or angry sometimes. As a parent, you can be an emotional role model for your children by showing them how to behave when youâre frustrated or upset.â
Keith Harvey, spokesperson at Place2Be.
âRemember youâre their role model so how you express disappointment and how you show you overcame setbacks is important. Tell your child, âYou never learn lessâ and that whatever happens, everything is a valuable experience.â
Linda Blair.
Make exercise part of their lives
âMy children thrive when they play sport regularly - the exercise improves their moods, being part of a team boosts their confidence and they have an escape route from the school obsession with exams, revision and homework.â
Mum-of-four Penny Taylor.
Find excuses to drive your kids places
âAll the most important conversations Iâve had with my children about their state of mind and whatâs really happening in their lives have been when weâre sitting side by side in peace and comfort, just chatting easily, sharing experiences and not giving each other laser eye contact.â
Dad-of-two Sean Marlowe.
Donât give your child a false view of their âspecialnessâ
âOf course, your child is special to you. But be careful not to give them the impression they deserve to be top. We canât all be top. Allow your child to fail - and learn from that experience.â
Child psychotherapist Rachel Melville-Thomas
Popular isnât all that
âTeach your children to look behind the facade, especially on social media. Talk to them about how being popular doesnât make for happiness - loud, sociable, perfect-teeth people can be stressed and worried.â
Rachel Melville-Thomas.
Seeking help when you need it is a strength, not a weakness
âChildren and young people need to develop the skill to be able to connect with others, to not feel alone and isolated.They need to be able to seek out other people in tough times - friends, family, teachers, even counsellors - and know that itâs a sign of strength, not weakness, to ask for help.â
Keith Harvey, spokesperson for Place2Be.