THE BLOG
09/08/2018 09:16 BST | Updated 09/08/2018 09:16 BST

A Year Into My 'Out' Glory, I'm Getting Good At Reassuring Myself In My Sexuality

Aneese via Getty Images

With Pride month now completely gone, it got me thinking back to a year ago to when I was closeted, waiting to come out and battling some internalised “biphobia”. But now, almost a year into my “out” glory, I’m getting good at reassuring myself in my sexuality, but there are still lots of people who aren’t sure.

So yes, you’re still bisexual if...

You have never kissed someone of the same/another gender 

You don’t need to have kissed someone of the same/another gender to you. Sexuality is based on attraction, not action. This means you find a person or people of that gender attractive, it’s just orientation. So even if you have never kissed someone of the same/another gender, you only really need to have wanted to. Most straight people at 16 probably have never kissed anyone, but no one even bothers to question them on their sexuality. 

You’re in a heterosexual/homosexual relationship

I am in a very happy relationship with a very lovely person. I know people make their snap judgments when they first see us together, which is ok. My partner’s gender can only tell you the tiniest bit about my sexuality. Considering I am with them, you can kind of count on the fact that I am attracted to them. But this comes with questions from others. No, I have not picked a side. There is no such thing. I’ve just picked a human being I like and have fun with. That doesn’t mean every other human of another gender is not someone I’d like to have fun with. It just so happens to be them.

You don’t fit the stereotype

There are so many stereotypes for bisexuals but to be honest, I think most bisexuals don’t fit them. Especially when it comes to the stereotype of promiscuity and greed and that is the only reason anyone identifies as bi. This is just bisexual erasure. It is a real thing and it has nothing to do with greed. Yes, there are lots of people that I would be interested in seeing. Will I act on it? No. For two reasons: 1) the other person has not consented to it and 2) I am in a monogamous relationship and because I want my partner more than anyone else, I will not act on it. That’s another key thing, just because people are bi, lots of people don’t believe that they will be able to be monogamous. But there are so many people of every sexuality who are. 

People tell you you’re not

Lots of people will make their judgments about you. No matter what you do. Especially online, because people feel that they are able to be more vocal. People may say because you don’t have the experience, you are not bi. Or that they have known you longer than this “phase”. And this may hurt a bit. But at the end of the day, they are not you. They can not even begin to see into your mind and see what you truly feel and know about you, no matter how long they have known you. Only you can know what you’re sexuality is. 

You feel like you are pretending

One of the biggest fears I hear about (and feel on occasion) of people in the LGBTQ+ community, is we are all afraid that we are pretending. That we have made our lives harder by choice. This is something that I especially felt while I was closeted - the worry that I was worrying about something that didn’t feel real to me yet and maybe that was for a reason. As time has gone on, I have learned to reassure myself using tips in this article, which have taken time to properly begin to perfect and get into. But the main thing is, if you are worried that you are pretending, chances are you’re not. When people pretend something, they know that they are pretending. 

Feel free to be bi all year round, not just pride month.