I was out shopping the other day whilst my boyfriend was at work, just looking for clothes and makeup really. I'd spent two hours so far looking through shop after shop, trying on various different pieces of clothing and having absolutely no luck with anything. Everything was either too tight, too loose or just didn't look right. Frustrated, I went for coffee and some breakfast to call my friend to see when he was coming to meet me. He'd said he'd be another hour. I sighed, and wondered what on earth I was going to do until he got here (an hour normally meant two in his case).
I thought about what else I could possibly attempt to shop for without getting annoyed. I'd already bought new makeup and am not really a jewelery person. I'd got a new notebook and already bought all My Chemical Romance's old albums (yes I was one of THOSE kids). And then it hit me... underwear! I have never, ever, EVER shopped for underwear. Not once. Unless you count those times your mum buys you them as a present because she realises you've been wearing the same sets for the past five years? (All clean of course!!)
I didn't really know how to go about this. And to be honest, I doubted I'd find anything I felt comfortable with. I anxiously wondered around shop after shop noticing that nothing had been designed for people with an ostomy. I knew this would be the case, but there was still a little bit of hope I'd find something. I had seen one underwear set in New Look, it was so pretty! But I was certain it wouldn't look right. I was trailing around for something high waisted. I planned to wear something for my boyfriend when he got home from work. I wanted to look nice. But how can I pull off anything "sexy" with an ostomy?
It was getting late and shops were starting to close down, and I still hadn't found anything. I felt like I wanted to cry. Everything was tiny and designed for those with nice tummy's they wanted to show off.
I left the shop and was about to head off to wait for my friend before I had a thought. A thought that changed the rest of that day.
"You write a blog on body confidence and embracing your body. You write out to thousands of people and tell them to love yourself. What a hypocrite you would be to shame your body over a pair of underwear that YOU feel isn't designed for you. Who says it's not? Who says you haven't got a nice tummy? You? Do you think those scars that saved your life deserve to be shamed and hidden away? No. Now get your arse into gear and feel good about yourself".
And with that one thought, I headed over to New Look and picked up the pretty bra I'd first seen. And underwear, too of course!
I'm really angry at myself for putting myself down that day, and letting myself feel so negatively towards my body. But I'm so grateful I was able to step out of that so quickly. I felt really positive for the rest of the day, and waited for my boyfriend to finish work - in my new underwear (makeup done and everything)! And it's safe to say he absolutely loved it. (I won't go into detail - don't worry). But there, it just goes to show that you never know until you try. From now on I won't let personal negativity limit my choices. I will overcome every hurdle that lays be for me and remember that if you don't do it, you won't overcome it. And no, I'm not trying to give a Shia LaBeouf 'Nike' inspirational speech here...