08/04/2016 12:12 BST | Updated 08/04/2017 06:12 BST

Why a Certain Delivery Company Needs to Holler for Help With Their Business Strategy

I made an order with a large company who uses a range of couriers for the delivery of their products. The order was scheduled to be delivered on Thursday anytime between 7am and 6pm, according to the company order tracking on their website.

I had arranged to be in on the day so that I could receive said order, but the Vice Chancellor of the University I work at had invited me to a session with the Prime Minister so I wanted to hotfoot it down there. As a result, I merely hoped the courier would arrive either before or after the event, as I had tried to rearrange the delivery by calling both the company and the courier's customer services but been cut off once I told them I didn't have a tracking number - something that wasn't my fault, I hadn't been provided with one.

I got three identical texts spammed to my phone as I was waiting for Cameron to enter the building and give his session. Apparently my delivery would be at the house between midday and 9pm. Alright, fair enough, I thought, I'll try and get home ASAP so I can wait in for it.

I get home and write up my experience of what went down at Cameron's session. It gets to 8pm and I haven't heard anything. When it gets to 8:40pm, suddenly my web delivery tracking updates to tell me the courier had tried to deliver at 3pm but couldn't find my house - so had given up. It was now my responsibility to "chat with the company" about it.

So I immediately log into their web chat and talk with an advisor. The guy tells me he'll get the delivery rearranged for the next day. Funnily enough, I tell him, I have another order with the large company due to arrive that day. However, this order is being delivered by the company courier, not the outsourced service, so I can't try and get everything to arrive at once. I give the web chat advisor explicit instructions for locating my house - despite the fact that no-one has ever had an issue finding the place before - and decide to wait until morning to address the situation. I've been awake for 20 hours by this point, I need to get some sleep, especially as I'll be needing to wake up in 4 hours' time in case a courier turns up at the beginning of the delivery timeframe.

Up I get at 7am and wait for the courier's web chat to open so I can chase up the first delivery. I get a text from the large company due to deliver my other order, telling me it will be there within 15 minutes. Good thing I got out of bed, then. Sure enough, there's a courier at my door with my second order 10 minutes later. I congratulate him on his sharp delivery service and ask if he could possibly chase up my other order. He tells me he'll get someone to give me a call.

It's 8am by this point so I decide to holler at the outsourced courier's web chat. I'm asked for my tracking number and I tell the advisor I've not been given a proper tracking number in the format they want; I just got spammed texts with a link to poor web tracking. I'm then asked to give a number for the courier to call if they get lost (again) and to provide instructions for them on the location of the address. So I give explicit instructions on where exactly on the street the clearly labelled house is and ask if the driver could give me a call this time, not just give up and leave me to deal with it. I'm told by the web advisor that a phone call can't be guaranteed.

"Well, what do I do if your courier gives up on delivering an order, it can't be guaranteed they'll pick up a phone and ask for directions, I'm left waiting in until 9pm for an order that should have arrived yesterday, and I'm potentially left, once again, to deal with rearranging it?" For a second time, might I add. And I'm running out of availability to sit in and wait for couriers to get their act together, I'm not free again until the end of next week, I've got two jobs.

The web advisor tells me he's sorry to hear that. Yeah, so am I, I'm damn tired. I tell him I'd love it if the courier just picked up a phone and asked me for directions if he's lost before giving up this time and sign out of the chat.

Is my order going to turn up today? No clue, but I've got stuff I need to do today. Sleep, for one thing, and a to-do list as long as my arm. Instead, I'm going to chug caffeine and wait in until 9pm for my order and hope the courier sorts it out. 'Cause I don't have time for this. But apparently they've got time to mess me around. Awesome.