24/02/2013 15:44 GMT | Updated 26/04/2013 06:12 BST

Femen's Blasphemy in Notre Dame


The modern-day Hunchbacks of Notre Dame, with God's help, have taken it into their heads to initiate criminal proceedings against eight FEMEN activists for carrying out their anti-papal demonstration in the Cathedral of Notre Dame de Paris. Deploying all their imagination granted by God, they have concocted charges as empty and senseless as the religion itself.

FEMEN sounded the knell for the departure of homohobe Pope with bells of Notre Dame.

Femen welcomed the progressive thinking that led to the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI, leader of the Catholic mafia. This symbolic date coincided with the adoption of the law on marriage for all, that the Pope is violently opposed in terms unacceptable. The Church continues to deny the presence of women maintaining a highly misogynistic policy and preaches a backward thinking in general indifference. Despite appearances, the weight of the Church and its traditions is still being heavily felt.

The heirs to Torquemada's 'exploits' are leveling three charges against FEMEN which may be roughly stated as follows: Firstly, that the sextremists committed horrific acts of violence against the Cathedral's security personnel. "This outrageous escapade was unprecedented in its cruelty" - declared, regarding our protest, Notre-Dame's spiritual director Monsignor Patrick Jacquin. A dislocated shoulder suffered by one of the guards is cited. For acts of "unprecedented cruelty" I must request that the good pastor consult the history of Catholicism and the papacy, to which his words will apply better apply than they do to peaceful protests. This filthy guard harms his shoulder by violently grabbing activists. Paralyzed from the top, he promptly continues to attack them with his feet, which is clearly evident in AFP's video report. I do not deny the fact that the guards were not prepared to seriously confront FEMEN's well-trained activists, who managed to embarrass these church mice. The guards panicked and switched off the lights in Notre-Dame - a highly symbolic act, since clerics feel more comfortable in medieval darkness than they do in the temporal world's beautiful light.

The second charge is damaging the gilding of one of the Cathedral's bells. Our sticks were wrapped by felt to prevent damage. A piece of gold would be useful by the way... in order to fashion a dental crown for our activist Marguerite, who lost a front tooth thanks to the beatings administered by the cardinal's guards. FEMEN suggests compensating the gold missing from the bells by melting down the Pope's famous fisherman's ring, which, according to Vatican tradition, must be destroyed after resigning. And how are we to be sure that the gold was there during our protest, but that it did not then disappear as a result of one of the miracles the Lord so generously dispenses?

Thirdly, the public exposure of sexual organs and the resulting insult to the feeling of religious believers and the sacredness of the premises. Monsignor Jacquin, his body tormented by forced celibacy, is simply not capable of distinguishing a woman's breasts from her sex organs. This amounts to unprecedented incompetence on the part of an employee working for an organization that regularly finds itself enmeshed in various types of sexual and paedophilic scandals.

Monsignor, we could not have expected such a preposterous reaction to naked women on your part and did not intend to provoke it with our protest in Notre Dame. A naked woman is by no means some new sort of monstrosity born of your idle mind, something worthy only of the old lady Esmeralda, who, if we are to believe Victor Hugo, once shook up your almshouse.

We simply detest all of your religions. The papacy is one of the most discredited institutions in human history. An history made by filth, blood, and tears. Expecting miracles from the upcoming pope is the same as waiting for spring flowers to blossom on a rotting stump.