Is this the death of youth? Do salad days end with salad spinners and low wattage light bulbs? Or is this the effect that WILKO has on us all?
At 23, I was under the assumption that a shop containing every single domestic cleaning product you could ever want, would be far from my mind; replaced only by casual sex and 'Meeting new people'- something I have not done in a long time.
However, since moving into a home of my own I have begun to understand the rush of endorphins that can come from the purchase of strong bleach.
A charge that- previously- would never have been levelled at me. After all, I went through the student years of living in squalor; nestled in among my own farm of polystyrene chicken boxes. But I came out the other side and look back on such an anti-anti bacterial life with distance and resent.
But, the rise of Wilko as the go-to domestic (Or whatever you would call it) shop has been a strange one. We all remember Wilkinson, with it's dated red cyber font and pound shop ethics. In my town it hung around the back of the high street like those kid's who smoked at the back of the playing field. Out of sight, out of mind.
However, cut to a few years ago and the streets were alight with the uber modern abbreviation that had appeared atop the shops aged facades. As if by magic, Wilkinson's had changed it's own game simply by abbreviating itself.
I'm not sure I like this trend of using slang names for shops as actual names for shops; my mum used to call Marks and Spencer by the colloquial M & S or Marks and Sparks -which their PR people now use as a patronising way of tricking us into thinking it's not expensive. They took our words from our mouths and capitalised on it.
Revitalising dated brands simply by using the 'people's tongue' strangely hasn't caught on where I grew up, in Norfolk. Cost cutter, One stop and the like, are still pretty much exclusively known only by the race of the person who runs them- I have a feeling this level of colloquialism could not be rolled out on a national level.
So as ever, sweet reader, I have a hunch that all this has a part to play in our collective Psyche. Perhaps it belongs to something happening only to my generation- particularly if you live in London and are some kind of creative.
With little stability in the working life we are forced to seek it out elsewhere. This - coupled with lacking money and the incredible price of city life- has begat an age of people returning to traditional ways. Many friends are not only in long term relationships, but also keep A tidy home, A home which they scarcely leave. Domesticity in place of ragged youth. It would seem that many of us bob along on the Netflix seas, our only chance of thrill being when the Pirates Bay download us into their cabin and slowly roger us over the course of 24 well inked episodes.
Why leave and spend money we don't have when we can stay in and watch people lead more exciting lives that us while we re-wipe down the surfaces? Just another facet of our ever more detached society. Floating apart like tiny islands breaking away from the mainland.
With that (and Wilko) in mind, here are my Top Five Guilty Pleasures for Under 25's.
1.The Wilko Victory Lap. Take some time out of your weekend to circle the shop floor, soaking up all the delights of chemical cleaning. If you are in need of more comfort, then I recommend the £8 Angled Pillow in the bed section.
2. The Habitual Burning of Incense. By constantly burning cheap incense you might be able to trick yourself into believing you are actually in the East, enjoying a happy, content life with a hearty balance of spirituality and regulated poverty.
3. Green Tea Instead Of Coffee. It's nicer sometimes, just don't buy tetley's weird one. Placing a cartoon northerner on the front of a herbal tea is probably not the best marketing technique.
4. A BBC4 Marathon. With great documentary's such as David Eagleman's 'The Brain' and a torrent of Old Grey Whistle test's, BBC 4 Night (as we call in our house) can often be a soothing way to cleanse your mind from the damaging clatter of contemporary music.
5. Not eating Carbohydrates After 6. Speaks for itself that one.