25/08/2015 08:43 BST | Updated 23/08/2016 06:59 BST

Resistance Is Futile - Tips on Dealing With the Sleep Thieves

The sleep thieves have been at it again, tag teaming around the clock to make sure I am at their beck and call. This past two years I have come to realise that there is NO POINT in fighting them (not literally - that would be stupid) as they WILL win hands down every time. If you think you can win then think again. I don't care what your best selling author that has no kids says... screw your books of hopes and dreams by dangling the proverbial carrot, shaped like a fluffy cloud filled with promises of sleep.

For us parents out there that fuel our mornings on caffeine and sugar just to make it through the day this one is for you... well more for me but you can use it too if you want.


Your little sleep thief or thieves are busy plotting their next move on how to keep you awake and up all night. You on the other hand are blissfully unaware, sprawled across the sofa pleased as punch with yourself that all is quiet on the western front. You total dick! You are now under attack, but you still continue to sup on your glass of Cab Sav smiling to yourself that you have a few moments peace to eat. Cue baby cry as first morsel of food enters your mouth.

This is it now, you know what's coming; you need to dig deep and find the strength within you to get through the night. But to help you, here are a few little reminders/tips on how to cope when the chips are down.

1 - Your kid(s) are super frickin' cute - enough said

2 - You have the power to cancel any best made plans you had the next day in exchange for a PJ day at home or if you work away from home, then think of all the free coffee?

3 - Deal with it... that's what babies/toddlers do and remember you are the grown up

4 - Think of how much fun you'll have when they are teenagers - revenge is oh so sweet at times isn't it?

5 - Tweet about it... Even if no one saw it, it was nice to get it off your chest and tell uncle Twitter you haven't slept

6 - Remember, it's highly likely a billion other mums/dads didn't get sleep either - in the words of MJ "You Are Not Alone"

7 - You wanted babies, what did you expect? See this as a test of stamina and a great character building experience

8 - Think ahead a few years and picture yourself with a teenager, then you'll be begging for the sleepless nights to come back

9 - Reward yourself with a medal, sleep deprivation is a form of torture - you are breezing this shizzle right?

10 - Sleep when they sleep - ha ha only kidding. Well kind of not. Get to bed early in case they decided they do want to sleep that night! I know, total bore off but try at least once or twice a week to pack yourself off to the land of nod shortly after they go down. Even a few early snoozes are better than zero snoozes.