10/06/2013 08:41 BST | Updated 09/08/2013 06:12 BST

Detox Diary - Part One

I'm less a 'my body is a temple', and more of a 'my body is a skip' kinda girl. I happily eat pretty much what I like, drink like a fish and enjoy the occasional ciggie, but once or twice a year I feel my body revolt and demand a detox. The Chris James Mind & Body Cleanse ( has been recommended to me. The kit costs £120 and comes complete with a ton of supplements and a guide telling you what to eat (and more importantly, what not to) over 12 days.


The detox is broken into four phases, and as well as cutting out meat, fish, alcohol, bread, tea/coffee and any processed food (the meat part is easy as I'm a vegetarian, but the rest sounds like hell) the idea is to consume as much raw fruit and veg as possible. Juicing is also a big part, with three days in the 'Power Phase', where you solely exist on juices. The goal is to boost energy levels, lose weight and kick bad habits. So here goes nothing...

Day One: I start the day making friends with my new juicer. Usually the day would start with a pain au chocolat and coffee; today it's fresh orange and apple juice to wash down my supplements. During the day I eat lentils, broccoli, some brown rice and snack on grapes and a handful of almonds. No cravings, no hunger pangs, but a slight headache around 4pm. Overall, day one is a piece of cake. Sweet lord, why did I have to say cake?

Day Two: Feeling positive about the detox today, I make bean stew and an asparagus and pea soup from recipes I find in the Mind & Body Cleanse members' forum, which are surprisingly tasty considering salt and pepper are verboten. But by 4pm I have a headache that does not go away until 10pm, when I curl up in bed with a cup of cranberry tea. I'm pretty sure the last time I was in was in bed at 10pm was when I was ten.

Day Three: I bounce out of bed and instinctively switch the kettle on for my hot water and lemon and get the juicer going. Look at me, I'm a detoxing whiz! Enthused by some initial weight loss, the fact that my skin looks better and my bastard headache is gone, I start to think I may be enjoying this. Tomorrow, I move from the Preparation Phase to the Pre-Purification Phase. 'Cited.

Day Four: Ok, so turns out that Pre-Purification Phase is the same as the Preparation Phase, other than a slightly different combination of supplements. I feel bored and a bit weirded out, mainly because I ate a sweet potato for breakfast, but also in the supermarket, because there is only one aisle that I have any business being in, and it's not the booze aisle.

Day Five: I go for a walk with a friend who tells me her plans f or the evening; they involve wine. I feel sad. Then I receive my daily email (sign up the day before you start) from Chris James, congratulating me on how far I have come, and encouraging me to stay on course. He is a one-man organic-bean-eating yoga wonder guru... and where he leads I shall follow.

Day Six: I think I can safely put this down as the quietest weekend of my life. Today is the day I have to eliminate any 'treats' (brown rice, my beloved sweet potatoes) and just consume raw fruit and veg, in preparation for the Power Phase. I'm scared.