Tonight I have a date. We have been chatting for a while, and if his entertaining and jovial emails are anything to go by, I anticipate that we should get on well. Not least of all because his only requirement for our venue is somewhere that serves a decent Caparinia and you've got to love a man who knows his cocktails. So as we were, tonight we meet. I am a little anxious about something however, that being that I may like him.
At the moment I can honestly say I am extremely happy being single, and despite lamenting the fact I am recently without regular sex, something which actually becomes less of a problem the longer you go without it (crikey, did I just say that out loud?) I am totally content to be on my own, solo, single, without a significant other.
Writing a dating and relationship blog, I have a fairly regular and continuous stream of 'lonely hearts' sharing with me about how they are happy but would feel complete if they met someone or how they don't know what they are doing wrong, why they are not attracting love. My advice is always the same, and though I don't claim to know everything concerning matters of the heart, I think it is fair to say that, being in a position which involves talking to people on a daily basis about relationships, my insight is slightly more in-depth than most, so here it is -- If you aren't happy out of a relationship you're not going to be happy in one. Simple. No-one will 'complete' you, and you certainly shouldn't be looking for your 'other half'. I mean, seriously, what are you, an apple?
A relationship is not the golden chalice of happiness. Yes, of course it can help and sharing and spooning (when asked on Twitter what the main benefit of a relationship was 70% of my followers said spooning... I prefer a good shag myself but then I've not had it in a while so that's not saying a lot) is fun and important but then so are holidays, family, health, friends, interests and large glasses of Sauvignon Blanc. All these things contribute to happiness, but one wouldn't think of relying on one of these element alone to bring them everlasting joy (well maybe the Sauvignon Blanc) so why do it with a relationship?
I won't patronise you either, dear reader, with a list of things you can do when you are single. A Gin & Tonic in the bath at 3pm should be enjoyed by all, coupled up or otherwise, and, by the way, to aim for anything less than a relationship in which you can do what you want when you want, as you would when you are single, is something none of us should entertain.
But if you need examples of reasons to enjoy being single ...
- You answer to no one.
- You don't have to compromise.
- You can drink G&T in the bath at 3pm.
- Book last minute party weekends in Ibiza.
- Watch 'Celebrity Big Brother'.
- Decide to be a lesbian on Tuesday then change your mind on Saturday.
- Spend weekends hungover or jogging down the Thames depending on your mood.
- Never cook.
- Never iron.
- Never get irritated because you're woken up at 3am with drunk stumbling down the hallway.
- Or resentful because you've got to spend the V festival weekend at somebody else's parents house in Surbiton.
... I can give you one, but then you've totally missed the point. Because being single isn't something that should be endured, a temporary standing until your life really begins and somebody comes along to complete you, it is YOU. It is you on your own, exactly as you are without the prop of anybody else.
So you can do one of two things - make being single (aka YOU) a fabulous, interesting, colourful, fulfilling place/person to be or you can make it an empty waiting room. Half an apple turning a bit brown and pathetic round the edges or one big, beautiful, juicy whole peach, absolutely perfect just as it is.
Be complete, be whole and stop waiting ... This is how to be single.