22/01/2012 16:48 GMT | Updated 23/03/2012 05:12 GMT

What Day Is It in The Celebrity Big Brother House?

Apologies for my absence folks, but after seeing Frankie's birthday party I decided to throw a rock star bash of my own which left me feeling sicker than Michael Madsen at the sight of Denise's 'girls'. Speaking of which, we now know why she is a Loose Woman, and she definitely dropped a huge boob (or two) leaving me feel udderley disgusted with her behaviour, and adding to my already nauseous state.

One bug I am happy to have is the Big Brother one, as I have fallen back in love with the show; reminding me of the Dowling days and the excitement of eviction nights. Brian Dowling is a perfect example of why people apply to the show in the first place, with a goal of gaining instant fame and eventually landing a column in OK! magazine; hmm perhaps I should give it a go this summer...

So, Georgia and her stunning looks have left the house, leaving Kirk with only his pillow and Frankie to dry hump. During her exit interview she revealed that Kirky boy actually has a girlfriend waiting on the outside, but I am not really surprised at his behaviour and think that any man would have a bash at Little Miss Kim Kardash. For me, Kirk is the perfect example of a modern day man who still lives at home and doesn't really have a clue about the real world; he also doesn't know how to speak properly, as when asked if he had enjoyed his time in the house so far he mumbled "I've done so good in the Big Bruvva." The future's bright, the future's Norcross.

Soon to follow the boob on a stick out of the door was Kirky boy himself, who admitted he wanted to get back with his porn star girlfriend and that breaking up with her was the biggest mistake ever. But remember, this is coming from the mouth of a guy who dumps women on television and doesn't know where America is.

Shock of the week: Natalie Cassidy leaving the house, after the twins received a chorus of boos bigger than their own egos. Natalie hit the nail on the head by saying they are the most confident girls she has ever encountered, and the amount that they love themselves is enough to have me heaving again. I'll be the first to admit when a girl is pretty, and yes obviously they are easy on the eye but in a very obvious way with nothing but silicone, peroxide and bitchiness when you scratch the superficial surface; saucer of milk for me I think.

The Denise and Michael drama rages on, with him labelling her as 'emotionally disturbed' during the live face-to-face nominations. I don't know if it's sexual tension or just plain obsession, but Denise clearly has a thing for Mr Blonde and watching her play out those insecurities makes my own problems fade in to the background more than Romeo's personality.

Come on Romeo, up your game! I remember swooning over him during those So Solid days and imaging what we could do in 21 seconds, but during his time in the house I am yet to see any of that bad boyish behaviour. I simply cannot put up with Frankie's sexual slurs any longer, and him asking the twins to put a condom on him with their bum cheeks is something The Inbetweeners would like some credit for.

The final is nearly upon us, and I will be sad to see the back of this random bunch of Z-lebs, but who will win? Does anyone really care in the grand scheme of things? The bookies are backing Gareth, but being a not so secret Cocozza fan I would love him to sneak up from behind and surprise us all; a normal Saturday night for Frankie then.