A big worry of mine is how my mental illness is going to impact on my daughter and will my bad days affect her.
Will she think I'm a bad mum?
I've learnt this:
We all have good and bad days. I guess it's learning how to deal with them. For me I feel PTSD has changed my personality but I am still me. I am more anxious and hate crowds I will try not to put myself in a situation like that. My heart races and I feel like I am going to pass out. I worry about what could happen. My counsellor did breathing techniques with me, I still do them now. They help me when I feel anxious, I was in two car accidents before the birth trauma. I am a nervous driver - this technique helps me a lot whilst driving and when I'm feeling generally anxious. Since being diagnosed with PTSD and suffering a traumatic birth I trust people less, mainly medical staff. I have bad days and I still have flashbacks. I get angry and upset.
But I am still me.
When you have a bad day don't feel guilty you are a GOOD mum and dad. We need to tell people that more.
I have learnt that by having our bad days we shouldn't feel guilt as we are showing our children that the world is not full of rainbows and roses. We are showing them that we have bad days and tough times. We are showing them how to deal with them as an individual and that in having a bad day we can deal with it by loving and supporting each other. We are showing them that 'it's ok not to be ok'. It's ok to ask for help and you don't have to just put a smile on your face and carry on.
Most importantly it's finding that person that will listen. It doesn't matter if that is family or a friend or if it's a support group that you decided to reach out to over social media.
It's hard but good to get things off your chest. I've been there where I've got in the car and drove off slamming the front door behind me not wanting to speak to my husband about how I am feeling. I've gone to bed without saying a word. But I've learnt that in speaking to him and my counsellor it gradually felt more and more like the weight was taken off my shoulders.
It's not easy and it was very up and down for me it still is some days. One person has to say one thing that gets my back up and I'm right back there. Guard up not wanting to speak through fear of being judged. I write this not to push people to get help but to share my experience.
You are an individual and just because this worked for me doesn't mean it may for you. You will find as an individual what works best for you and gradually you will feel at ease and be better prepared for those bad days.
I wish you the very best and hope that on your bad days that someone supports and listens to what you have to say.
A few things that help me relax:
Watching a film or reading a book as your mind goes elsewhere in that moment.
Writing. You don't have to be the next J.K Rowling, just write down how you feel in your own style, get it off your mind and onto paper. Even if it's just words on how you are feeling.
I did this and mostly wrote sh*t, I feel sh*t. But it helped.
A nice bath and face mask as I feel so worn out and don't feel like my young attractive self anymore. This lifts my spirit a little.
Movie night and cuddles with hubby.
Sometimes I like to just shut the world out and hide away. I just switch Netflix on and watch a box set on my tod and eat some chocolate.
Write down the things you like to do and try and do at least one of those things a day or every other day or once a week, whatever you can fit in. I know we don't have much spare time as parents. Your wellbeing is important. #selfcare ⭐️