As your average human being that grew up in the nineties and early noughties; I like to live in a reality that involves Britney and Justin eventually stopping this masquerade of 'living separate and happy lives', and one day get back together. Obviously, they would be doing so in a bid to restore my faith in love, and, probably more importantly, to have the opportunity once more to wear matching denim formal wear. As they clearly would like to live the lie of not being together for a little bit longer, I think that what I've created below might hurry them up a little. You see, these two people have had all manner of drama in their lives; break-ups, fights with friends, smoking, drinking, having a public meltdown and shaving their head (more Britney, that one). As such, I think they are both very well equipped to offer up words of wisdom; many of which I choose to live by. What you might like to notice also, is how similar their advice is, kindred spirits anyone? No? Just me then.
What I'm going to do, is I'm going to give you some common life problems that you will almost definitely face at some point. Then I'm going to solve that life problem using pearls of wisdom from what I like to call Team BJ.
Been brought down a peg or two recently? It happens to us all; we will get rude awakenings throughout our lives that the way people see us, or the way we see ourselves has changed dramatically. Fear not. Team BJ have had it much worse, and they're still going strong; disappointment is just a part of life:
'I used to think I actually was Batman.' - Justin
'I used to be a cool chick but I'm not anymore.' - Britney
Ever get the feeling you're being talked about? Do you have a sneaking suspicion it's not that complimentary? These seasoned pro's brush it off in style:
'Gossip is called gossip because it's not always the truth.' - Justin
'I can't go anywhere without someone judging me. I find it funny that people are so interested in me.' - Britney
Is there something you want to go for but you're not sure? Well guess what... these teen dreams don't think you should give up. They might even go so far as to say 'wax on, wax off':
'There's nothing wrong with shooting for the stars.' Justin
'I go through life like a Karate Kid.' - Britney
Worrying that you're gross or not good looking enough? We all have those worries. But these guys aren't afraid to embrace their quirks, and still go for gold:
'I pick my nose and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If there's a bogey then just pick it, man.' - Justin
'I wish my hair was thicker, and I wish my feet were prettier. My toes are really ugly. I wish my ears were smaller. And my nose could be smaller too.' - Britney
As you get older, do you feel like you're not being wild enough? Are the wild party days not appealing to you? Would you rather be calm and quiet, and feel chipper the next morning? I happen to know of two famous teen sensations that think the same thing:
'You have a lot of time on these tours. As Alice Cooper said, you can either drink all day or golf.' - Justin
'I don't like going out. I hate clubs. I hate being around too many people.' - Britney
So there you have it. I think what I've done is prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that these two incredibly grounded and wise people belong together. Come on guys. I give it seven years until you come round to my way of thinking....