As a dating expert, and founder of Cubs and Cougars, you may have seen me in Metro or the Mail Online, giving advice to older women about dating younger men. As well as matchmaking, I offer women advice on their image, and I coach them, so they can bring their dating A-game!
I usually charge for my expertise, but in every industry there's an element of pro bono work, and so I'd like to offer my advice for free to Izzy, the Cougar in E4's Celebs go Dating. Izzy, who's 44, went on a date with 26 year old Joey Essex, who's best known for his role on reality TV show TOWIE - or The Only Way is Essex.
At the start of the date, Izzy takes a look at Joey, who's wearing a leopard print bomber jacket, and tells him he looks like a "Sex Panther." Ladies, if you're watching and thinking this is a great way to start a date with a toy boy, let me tell you it's not! Younger guys can be intimated by older women when they first meet them, and this is far too full on! It's good to flirt, but this is too much, too soon.
Izzy - who has a fantastic figure - is wearing a black bondage style dress. In other circumstances, I might have advised her to dress more conservatively, but in this case, it was a great outfit. Cougars want to show their sex appeal to lure the Cubs! However, when Joey asks Izzy how she got her dress on, Izzy says that taking it off would be more interesting...
As a dating coach, I'd say that - depending on what you're looking for - this is OK if it's said in a jokey way. Over 80% of Cougars are looking for fun with no commitment - in other words, they just want great sex! So it's fine to flirt, but not too blatantly - you want him to work for it! Young Cubs want the thrill of the chase, so don't make it too easy for them! And remember - you don't want to scare your date! This was too much for Joey, who looked like a rabbit caught in headlights!
As the date goes on, Izzy says to Joey: "You look like an obedient boy who's going to do as he's told!" Izzy may mean this in a kinky, dominatrix way, but as she is literally old enough to be Joey's mum, she needs to be careful not to sound like his mum!
However, it's not all bad up to this point - Joey says he finds Izzy sexy. But then she tells him she'd like to put him in a pony outfit - and demos a trotting motion with her hands. This had me screaming at the television! By talking about her kinks on a first date, Izzy went too far. Joey was petrified, and most of my young, male clients would have been too!
I encourage my clients to be open - and most young men want a woman to teach them new tricks in bed - but this doesn't extend to dressing up as a horse. When Izzy asks Joey if he wants "kinky" he just looks embarrassed. At 26, Joey doesn't need kink to turn him on. This was beyond flirty banter - it made me cringe.
Izzy follows this faux pas with another one, by asking Joey how old he is. Cougars shouldn't raise the subject of age, as it invites the Cub to return the question! Predictably, this is what Joey does. "You can tell me how old you think I am!" says Izzy. She looks good for her age, but this makes her sound as if she's fishing for compliments. Most of my Cougar clients are young at heart, and don't look their age. I tell them if age comes up, just be honest.
Cubs and Cougars make a great match, as many older women find that men their own age have let themselves go or become boring. They want a younger man to have fun with, and it's a welcome ego boost! Younger men like the experience and confidence Cougars bring to the bedroom - the great sex is a win-win all round! So if you're a woman who likes younger men, then go for it - but learn from Izzy's mistakes on Celebs go Dating!
As we all know, some reality television contains scenes that are constructed for entertainment purposes, and Izzy's scene in Celebs go Dating may well be one of them! Either way, well done to Izzy for being a great sport, and stay updated at @CubsandCougars