02/01/2013 17:27 GMT | Updated 04/03/2013 05:12 GMT

Monogamy Is Out: I'm Living a New Model of Relationships and it Works

Ever heard of the notion that marriage is a 'three ring circus?' Come on, you must have heard this old classic - it's an engagement ring, a wedding ring and then suffering.

The quotation's origins are vague, but the author whoever they might be and whichever gender, was spot on in their sentiments.

The controversial truth is that the state of marriage - and, more importantly, the monogamy it entails - isn't really working for most people in today's society.

Okay, it works for some, and that's wonderful when it does bring happiness. I've got the utmost respect for their choice.

But the sad reality is that many people simply cannot live up to the expectations of life and sex with a single partner.

And that almost inevitably causes cheating, marital breakdowns, recriminations, divorce, spousal abandonment and misery.

So do we really have to wait for a man to propose, before we experience the decent proposal our hearts truly desire?

Many women are still waiting for 'the one' - a fairytale moment in life where our heart finally sings out a loud and glorious 'yes!'

But what if the fairytale version of love and marriage we stumbled upon in storybooks when we were kids, is simply incompatible with the modern world?

Look around you. How many friends are now on their second - or even third - marriages? Be honest. Count them.

How often does the joy of that 'yes' really last? And how often does the fairytale model of relationships in fact bring heartache and regret?

The sad fact is that too many relationships are coiled with deceit, insecurity or just plain apathy, as the foundations at their core were wrong from the start.

So why in the 21st Century do we have still keep trying to make an outdated model of relationships work? Why don't we have the honesty and integrity to admit we all want a bit more out of life?

Many people simply don't have time for the old model of relationships - get married, have 2.4 kids and then, sometimes, find themselves limited on how far they can grow spiritually or sexually without their partner pulling them down.

So many of us are choosing not to put labels on relationships, and instead, choose to spend high quality time with people they adore, where and when they can and in whatever way.

Opening the door to your heart so wide it's okay for people to come and go as they choose isn't always easy and it's not for everyone.

I understand that.

It is, however, what's going on out there right now.

It's the new model of relationships and it's fast becoming the norm in our society.

It is said that finding the perfect partner or partners is like looking for a needle in a haystack. That couldn't be more wrong. Either you're searching in the wrong place, or you don't know what you're looking for.

The truth is that we have all got the capacity to find happiness in relationships. To create a relationship scene, where we sit in the centre, and attract the heights of intimacy as it suits us.

I have spent my career counseling couples on their relationships and sex lives. It's no wonder I advocate a new model of relationships that truly makes people happy.

If it means rocking the boat to get my message across, then so be it. What I'm all about is helping people become whole in themselves so they can attract the right partner from the off.

That way we can make ourselves and others happy, without the pressures or expectations that arise from a traditional, and, I would argue, outdated, one-man, one-woman relationship.

It seems so obvious to me now.

I realise this view will be seen in some places as controversial. Some will say I'm advocating free love or multiple partners for everyone.

Some will say that relationships do take lots of hard work and are never entirely easy. Some will say if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Some will say you can't have it all.

Which is all fine, of course.

However, the progressive individuals out there who want more, who know in their heart of hearts that they can have it all, are likely to join me.

I'm living the new model of relationships, and I can assure you, it not only works, it'll help you reach new heights of intimacy, that you may not have ever previously dreamed possible.

* Decent Proposal by Louise van der Velde and Prince Lorenzo Borghese is available on Kindle via