Many see a pre nuptial agreement as an unromantic gesture and it is difficult to argue against this.
As your big day approaches, raising the topic of how a potential break up could be managed is far from most people's minds, let alone on the 'to-do' list. Who wants to contemplate the breakdown of the relationship before the register has even been signed?
The Court's view of pre nuptial agreements has changed radically over the last five years. Now they are considered highly persuasive even if they may fall just short of being absolutely binding on the spouses. Furthermore, more and more couples are entering into them, and more women are requesting them.
Nevertheless, for many people, broaching the topic of a pre nuptial agreement with their loved one is difficult. I've found that advising clients on how to discuss pre nuptial agreements with their partners is now just as common as writing them.
The initial conversation should be approached with care and preparation, particularly if you suspect your partner of being very antagonistic towards pre nuptial agreements. The main questions that generally arise all have strong arguments in defence:
Why do we need one?
"It's a sensible, pragmatic decision to regulate and control our future without being at the mercy of lawyers and the Court."
Don't you love me?
"Of course I love you, it's just that I want to protect your future, as well as mine, by establishing our respective financial obligations and commitments so we both know where we stand."
Have you changed your mind about getting married?
"There is no question about changing my mind about marriage, I want to get married, but I also want us to be realistic and recognise that some marriages do end in divorce and to insure against that by having an agreement that we enter into and then file away, just like an insurance policy."
Are you no longer committed to me?
"I'm committed to you, a pre-nuptial agreement is the best example of my commitment to you, I want to look after your best interests."
Are you orchestrating your 'get out' clause?
"I'm certainly not orchestrating my 'get out' clause, I resent being dictated to by lawyers and the Courts and, should we break-up, I want us to have a civilised parting and not spending huge amounts on lawyers, fighting one another."
Although pre nuptial agreements are required to comply with certain legal formalities, such as the parties engaging separate legal representation, entering into the agreement freely and without coercion, sufficiently in advance of the marriage, once these issues are addressed, the beauty of a pre nuptial agreement is that it can be as detailed or as simple as the parties wish.
To that end, the lawyers are simply draftsmen rather than ominous strategists; negotiations can be amicable, relaxed and optimistic, rather than acrimonious and emotionally gruelling; and fees are certain rather than limitless.
So, if the romantics amongst us can be persuaded, pre nuptial agreements really are to have and to hold.