I used to have straight hair when I was little. Then one day (I'm not sure when) it just exploded into a mass of curl and frizz.
Now I'm one of those poor souls who have to put up with the daily (read: hourly) battle of having curly hair. I remember sitting in the exam hall at school and the girl in front of me let her (silky, straight) hair down from her top knot and shook it out.
And it cascaded down her back, a waterfall of smooth, luscious locks.
Naturally, I seethed with jealously and wanted to cut all her hair off (I'M SORRY OK?).
10 years later and I've got to grips with the mane. But still, it can be tough.. and sometimes, only fellow curly-haired folk can understand your trials and tribulations of having a tangled weave.
1. You don't have hair. You have a MANE.
2. Because of said mane, you are always expected to go as a lion to any fancy dress party, whatever the theme.
3. You have never, ever, successful ran your fingers through your mane all the way down (no, your fringe does NOT count).
4. You cannot flick your hair. Your hair does not flick. It just moves as one lump.
5. Every time you wash your weave, you have an anxiety attack that you're going bald because of the amount of hair that comes out. (It's ok, btw, I've had about 30 hairdressers reassure me it's normal).
6. You squirm with embarrassment when you have to let your hair down at the hairdressers. You can see the horror on their face when they realise they have to get a brush through it.
7. Sometimes you actually offer to brush your hair yourself. And the hairdresser always accepts your offer, gratefully.
8. You can only ever one hair style: curly.
9. You wistfully dream of having a bob. (DO NOT TRY THIS.)
10. You were known as mushroom head at school because your mum made you cut your hair really short.
11. You dread getting nits. This would literally be the end of the world. Nit comb through this weave? I think not.
12. Washing your hair is a mammoth task not to be taken lightly.
13. As is straightening your hair. You have to have the really big straighteners that are made for Afro-Caribbean hair, regardless of your ethnicity.
14. You straighten your hair until your arm aches. If your hair even gets a whiff of rain it EXPLODES.
15. You tried out every hair serum/mousse going when you were younger.
16. Nothing worked.
17. You used to use so much mousse your hair went crispy.
18. You hate people playing with your hair. *Don't touch it. No, seriously, DO NOT TOUCH IT.*
19. The day you discovered Tangle Teezers was the most important day of your life.
20. When you brush your hair it looks (and feels) like candy floss.
21. You've finally come to the realisation that whether you look good or not wholly depends on whether your hair is behaving.
22. When you're ill, so is your hair. Hi flat hair.
23. Most people wash their hair every other day. You wash yours once a week (if that).
24. You lie about how often you wash your hair. But seriously, it just NEVER gets greasy.
25. You rock festival hair.
26. Brushing post-festival hair is literally the Worst. Thing. Ever.
27. You will regularly find hair grips in your hair that you forgot were in there (and which have probably been in there for a few days).
28. You always carry a spare hairband around. Always.
29. You have a mini panic attack if you forget your spare hair band. What if my hair band breaks? What if I have to wear my hair down and I haven't prepared for it?
30. Hairspray? Pfft, I don't need no hairspray.
31. You won the cavewoman fancy dress by a square mile. Two words: big hair.
32. When it's windy you will often find leaves and other miscellaneous items in your hair.
33. When you were younger, you would probably have chopped off an arm to have straight hair.
34. But now you're cool with it because big hair is BACK. Damn straight it is.