Is there anyone else who feels totally cheated by their SciFi? You see, as I get older, see more, experience more, become wiser (he say cautiously as wife coughs a loud, 'ahem') I think my saddest discovery has been those films and stories - that I lapped up quicker than Jabba the Hutt at a Princess Leia convention - have been telling me one or two major porkies.
I mean, this is supposed to be the year of Marty McFly's jaunt into the future, with all the techno-doohickys I thought would be waiting for me when we finally cast off the caveman-ness of the 1980s and blazed into the technical wonderland of 2015. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for all the gadgets mankind has invented - many of which were speculated in the minds of the Science Fiction visionaries (Trekkies do love their Bluetooth headphones, oh and flip-phones), I am however more than miffed some of my favourites didn't make it.
And yes I do have a list.
It's not the full list - and one that's not confined to Back to the Future II (or BttF2 in newer parlance - seeing that 4 words and 2 letters expend too much of an effort these days) but it does note those things I really had a hankering for:
• The most obvious one; Flying Cars - been gagging for one of those since I was a nipper, and fully expected one by 1999. Oh, and yes, trackless railways - or is a McFly hover-board really too much to ask for?
• Robot Butlers - or any breed of home robot, and not just a vacuum cleaner, I'm talking with legs and arms, and attitude, you know a Kryton kinda thing but makes toast one minute then dominates humanity the next.
• Talk Back Computers - and not just on a mobile phone, again with attitude and a desire to dominate ... perhaps annihilate.
• Floating Cities - to go with our flying cars and trackless railways.
• Bionic Limbs - sure we've got some nifty prosthetics, but I'm talking leaping buildings and bending iron with your little finger. Comes in handy for all those dominating robots - if a positronic microprocessor doesn't do some kind of mind swap thingy.
• Mars Bases - or even Moon Bases, Space Stations maybe, but for everyone and with a shop selling Moon balloons, and 'I Heart Space' T-shirts ... sticks of rock with 'MOON' written all the way through.
• Holographic Tellys - big disappointment here, expected them by the 1990s.
• Aliens as our mates, or maybe robot mates, or just a robot dog - or cat. Robocats. Killer Robocats.
We did get some cool things though:
• Televisions that hang on the wall.
• Pocket phones and televisions.
• Swishy doors and ... a robot vacuum cleaner (not the killer type ... yet).
Better than nothing I suppose, and I do love 'em. Just wish I could book myself and the missus two weeks at the Sea of Tranquility Theme Park and Resort; take the Low-gravity Death Jump - not suitable for children (unless they're wrecking your head that is) - grab a snog under the light of good old Mother Earth (symbolically of course - bad idea to flip up your space-helmet visor) - dine on the finest four course food pill - then discover the hostile alien attack force lurking on the dark side of the moon, waiting for their chance to invade and turn us all into human batteries ... or dinner ... ah the memories.
Careful now ...
By the way - for all you people out there older than 15, just remember those younger than you never even saw the 20th Century ... mad eh?