The Blog

100 More Reasons Why the British are Fantastic. Please Don't Blush. It's True!

102. Lady Astor... American of origin, but converted... come on, you can't dispute her. First female MP, regardless of how it happened. Also happened to be a Tory, naturally. 103. Wallis Simpson. Again, try to argue with me. My answer is 'A B D I C A T I O N'. 104. The Food. (Yup, that's what I said. The Food.)

102. Lady Astor... American of origin, but converted... come on, you can't dispute her. First female MP, regardless of how it happened. Also happened to be a Tory, naturally.

103. Wallis Simpson. Again, try to argue with me. My answer is 'A B D I C A T I O N'.

104. The Food. (Yup, that's what I said. The Food.)

105. Mothercare. Stock great, but service sucks. Simon Calver, fix it, 'cause all mothers here agree, believe me. By the way, has Mothercare ever had a mother as CEO? Just wondering...

106. poor customer service because no one answers to anyone... and why should you, when you civilised the world?

107. The bobbies, baby. Cool.

108. Dr. Paul McLaren, Consultant Psychiatrist at The Priory. Top guy in the country if you ever need a shrink or know someone who does.

109. Cath Kidston and my new 'flying pigs' pin. Very effective so far.

110. How everyone has a sense of humour. Well, most people anyway, if you get them at the right moment.

111. The Daily Telegraph, and the idiot who never responded to my email asking for a blog. Too late now, I wouldn't even accept your offer, I'm sticking with HuffPo. Mr. Editor (or is it Mrs., Miss or Ms.)? Fire him. And if you're also not listening, then Charles Moore will.

112. The Times

113. Every British tabloid

114. Jeremy Paxman. On this ranking, you've come below every tabloid in the UK, buddy. And let me tell you another thing, darling: Calling me a 'stupid woman' was not only inaccurate, but it also wasn't a good idea. The last man who said that to me ended up with a Mr Bump ice pack on his face, on the naughty step, on Boxing Day. You're lucky I didn't embarrass you in front of the snappers that day, but it was only because I was so mortified to be seen with you.

115. Boxing Day.

116. chutney

117. Ploughman's lunches.

118. Pippa. Even though she should not have been showing off her bottom in Westminster Abbey.

119. The Westminster School, but you guys should start admitting girls from day 1. Oxford and

Cambridge have for decades already. What the F*CK? Grow up.

120. How you like your dogs more than your children

121. How people pretend they're not listening or can't hear you talking to someone else because they

don't want to intrude, even when you're shouting at someone in public.

122. How you refuse to yell (except at home when you think no one else knows--well, at least no one admits they know...)

123. Those Penguin bars. They go well with tea after 3:00pm and before 5:00pm.

124. Trevor Mottram. Best kitchenware in England.

125. Not using napkins at home. Still haven't solved the mystery, though, of where you end up wiping those grubby fingers. My wager? Your trousers.

126. Not wearing pyjamas -- what is that about? Great in the movies when people have to get on their 'dressing gown' to answer the door, though, or deal with a fire. Go Hugh Grant!

127. How it takes an English person much longer to warm to someone, but once they like you, you're friends for life and they will never let you down.

128. That I would never want to be in the trenches with anyone other than an Englishman. Well an English woman, actually.

129. Nigella Lawson. Yes, girl crush, but that's sort of what you wanted, isn't it?

130. How did I leave Smythson's off my first list thus far?!

131. That since 2001, you've finally been able to install public rubbish bins--Thank you September 11th for putting paid to the IRA. Horrible lot,aren't they?

132. Party Conferences, especially when Hugh Grant makes an appearance.

133. Gok Wan who can make any woman feel beautiful. And I mean, ANY woman. That's true charity. Have you received an honour from the Queen for that yet?

134. Trinny, even though she once pushed past me on an airport line, which was rude, sweetheart. And not at all beautiful.

135. Rigby and Peller. Victoria's Secret, f-off. You subjugated me to a 34-A for 21 years. The Queen's knicker vendor says I'm a 30-C. Cheapest boob job in history. I'm renaming my breasts,"rigbies". (What's the cockney slang for Rigby and Peller, by the way?) Rise up, women of all nations! In the 21st century, I predict that girls won't be the only ones to lie back and think of England.

136. yacht clubs

137. Peppa Pig

138. The Tunbridge Wells Lawn Tennis Club, and specifically Brad and Tom for giving me a few free lessons.

139. The Tunbridge Wells Cricket Ground

140. fair play

141. betting shops, William Hill and Graham Sharpe, who is lovely.

142. Boots, and in particular, Number 7 products and also their vitamin deals... oh, and their current radio ad. Rock.

143. Allison Pearson because I wish I could write the things she does.

144. Hobbs and all their 60s vintage echos.

145. Next and the shirt with sequins I got there that says, "I love GB"... got two for my children as well, so we can all match, natch.

146. Laura Ashley furniture.

147. Morrison's, their new concept stores, and for doing the right thing in Tunbridge Wells by finally reopening, albeit only after having to be brow beaten by a local campaign... (You're stuck with us forever now! HA!).

148. The Nectar card. (Don't tell me you haven't been collecting your points! Saves a fortune.)

149. teeny fridges even though you're all foodies

150. antique shops, particularly in Lewes

151. Tea, of course. Tetley, is my choice here. It will be hard to revert to Lipton's sawdust when I get back. Unless of course, you ship me some cartons. Which would be a wise investment, by the way. No, don't worry, it's not a trick, there's no risk of the Boston Tea Party II. I hate the Tea Party anyway... see my previous blog on that for proof.

152. That the English still think it's acceptable to serve a guest instant coffee. The last American I knew who drank that crap was my grandfather in 1986 and he had been through the Depression and The War. What's your excuse?

153. 'Washing-up Liquid', and your strange ambivalence with dishwashers

154. hilarious mugs-- we don't really have those in America.

155. The Parliamentary Bookshop

156. Blackwell's

157. Ronnie Scott's

158. hop on/hop off buses, especially when the bus is moving. Fun!

159. Boris, even though his wife is better than him.

160. BP, but you guys did make a mess on my turf. Fix it. NOW.

161. Lord Levene of Portsoken. Also goes by 'Peter'. Doesn't like it when you give him an honest answer to the question, "How did you think my Today Programme interview went this morning?"

162. Nick Prettejohn. First class.

163. My ex-husband who gave me two gorgeous British children with yummy accents.

164. teeny packs of crisps and popcorn. The joke's on me, right?

165. Heather Mills, but she shouldn't have been such a jerk to Sir Paul. Her loss! He was wise enough to choose an American after that. Well done, boy.

166. Did I mention 'Tesco' already? Can't remember. Regardless, need to recognise the guy who checks me out there every Monday morning who loves Florida... And used to work for Hugh Heffner in his clubs in London years ago...I think. Don't worry, I get it... the whole 'Englishman and his Castle' thing,right?

167. Annabel Karmel and all the organic homemade food I produced that those little runts wouldn't eat. Somehow, I still I have no regrets.

168. The lack of screens, resulting in dead flies around the house

169. The fact that the English don't mind dirt or germs.

170. Primrose Hill

171. Covent Garden

172. The Washington Pub in Belsize Park

173. My midwife at Pembury Hospital. Sorry I forgot to send you flowers to thank you.

174. Patsy Evans, who has watched and loved my children while I was writing crap like this for the last 5+ years.

175. Six months of paid maternity leave, minimum. In the US, it's 12 weeks.

176. That if you're running late, the odds are, so is the train. Magic.

177. Which reminds me... Magic 105.4... and Heart. I'm DESPERATE to win that Heart alarm clock.

178. Will Roffey and Steve McCormick down at BBC Radio Kent who are going to help me find a way

to have my own radio chat show someday. In the meantime, I'll just make the tea. Do you boys take sugar?

179. The Gruffalo.

180. Every GP I've ever met here.

181. Boden and Jules, but only when there's a sale on. Well, you can always scrounge at least a 10% discount from Boden. Johnnie, when are we having lunch?

182. Mulberry -- my hobo bag (tan) and my new aubergine one. Divorce gift. To myself.

183. The White Company. Expensive but yummy for new baby presents.

184. National Portrait Gallery

185. Forgive me for not putting Jane Austen on my list already.

186. The Queen's Birthday Honours List and all those losers that say they don't want to be on it. Desperate cry for attention, I say. (Hold your hand up, Andy Marr.)

187. rosettes for door-to-door political campaigning and winning pony races

188. Child Benefit, even though there is absolutely no justification whatsoever that the middle class should still be receiving it, including me. Did I read that the Coalition is scrapping that? Can't remember.

189. Downing Street. Number 11 and then Number 10. Eleven is a better number really.

190. Winnie the Pooh and Paddington Bear

191. How dusk is so long that you don't know when to close the curtains.

192. Bird watchers and train spotters. And people who love and live in Oast Houses.

193. The cheek of the fox hunting ban and the people who have their own methods for getting around it

194. Sheffield silver

195. My best friend, Lynn Gadsby who is more American than I am. Sorry, honey. Plus, should have put you above Queen Victoria on the last list. Mark, her husband, is awesome too. Got me this Huffington Post blog slot. Still, Mark, you'll never be as cool as Lynn, but let's hope you know that already.

196. Father Stephen Tucker who presided over my marriage ceremony at Hampstead Parish Church. Hey, Father Tucker, everyone makes mistakes, even servants of the Lord! Jesus is all forgiving.

197. The Mini, the Lotus, Bentley, and Rolls Royce (in that order). And Astons of course! An Aston Martin combines three important elements: power, beauty and soul. How fit! That pretty much sums up England.

198. Jeremy Clarkson who makes me laugh so much I cry. Hey, Jeremy, how about some episodes with 'Non-stars in very expensive cars'? And for that one, you can scrap the 'wet vs. dry' runs... Let's do 'heels versus flats'.

199. That nothing scares you. For example, today: Massive aircraft zooms overhead. Me to random stranger: What was that?! Random stranger: Oh, that was a fighter jet. Me: Oh my God!!! Random stranger: I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

200. Flora (Light). Very healthy too!

201. Fish and chips on Fridays and kebabs when it's after 1am and you're 20 and have had too much to drink... or maybe you're not 20 and drunk, you just don't care about your health...