THE BLOG
01/09/2015 11:16 BST | Updated 01/09/2016 06:59 BST

Toilet Seats, Reviews and a Kitten

Up or down? This is an important question that needs to be asked before you move in with a bloke. And when that bloke is your boyfriend then things can get messy. Literally.

August was a somewhat crazy month. Moving house, going on holiday, preparing and performing a solo show and bringing a new love into my life, a kitten of my own.

So being the busy person I am, some thing's just slipped my mind. I was too busy concentrating on all the positives things there are moving in with my partner. Strong arms to put up the shelves, going halves on the bills, living with someone who is a better cook than I am. Fabulous. But then the annoying things creep in within hours. Tripping over trainers, man gadgets left out. And the one that everyone debates over. Should the toilet seat be left up or down?

After three weeks of living together, two of those weeks were discussing the retched toilet seat. I came up with the genius point that after the foolish man has finished... you know, emptying his bowls, does he put the toilet seat up? No. Exactly. I also pulled up a valid observation that when we go to visit other people's houses, has the toilet seat been up or down? Down. Thank you. It even went as far as the subject being bought up on a night out with him and his mates and even THEY; the other man beasts agreed with me that they politely leave the toilet seat down whilst living with their ladies. But my man beast wasn't having any of it. I have been left blue in the face and gasping for breath (no rude thoughts now) trying to explain it's only right to leave the toilet seat down but no. It's up every time.

I tried to do a reverse phycology ploy by putting the toilet seat up so he would have to put the toilet seat down when he needed a number two. But still, the toilet seat remained up every time I went to go.

It's got to the point now that I find myself going to the toilet in the mornings, perched on the cold p**s splashed rim as I'm not willing to touch the toilet seat the instant I wake up. I have however, found a comfortable position now. The side of the toilet where there is more rim to hold my arse.

Maybe I should just remove the toilet seat all together? Maybe I should glue the seat to the rim so it HAS to stay down? Maybe I'll build my own toilet out of paper Mache so we can have our own toilets? Maybe not.

So another week in living together. A kiss goodnight, breakfast in bed, and all the other good things that I have to be grateful for with living with my fella. And in case you were wondering, the toilet seat topic wasn't mention in my solo comedy show. Other things regarding this relationship was however. You can read all about it in my review. Enjoy  http://viewsfromthegods.co.uk/naomi-hefter-in-chaos.shtml