My son, like always, tumbled out of school amidst a blizzard of books and sheets of paper. Face smeared with dinner and a toothy grin, his cast off jumper trailed behind him. In his even filthier hand was clutched a crumpled little blue drawing of my partner and me. He doesn't draw often. It was presented with a shy pride in the way that turns my heart to Play-Doh.
It was a joke that stuck around just a bit too long. I remember exactly when it started - that's how much the experience
They've been the udders that have fed our children and are now the plump cushions for their sleeping heads. They've been squeezed, pumped, prodded and poked by babies, midwives and health visitors and because of this, they are now the floor-facing members of society. They have lost their fight against gravity and now hang their sad faces in defeat.
From Susan Sarandon to Rihanna, Taylor Swift to Theresa May ripping women apart for their appearances is nothing new. And whilst judging a woman based on her outfit choice is puke-inducing at the best of times, at the worst it can be something far more unpleasant.
I have always been 'blessed' with a leading lady rack and I love them dearly as we all should with whatever we've been served, but let me tell you, they also come with issues that only women with bigger boobs understand.
Whether they're big, small, or somewhere in between, there's more to boobs than first meets the eye. Did you know that drinking
What Bare Reality allows women to do is take back our boobs - which allows us to reclaim our individuality, our autonomy, and become the tellers of our own stories. Yeah, I've got boobs, but I can also play the piano, quote extensively from the Alan Partridge canon, and tell you that I don't want to be the prime minister but I definitely want to change the world.
I can't help but think that it must be hard for The Sun's readers to absorb credible stories about women, since the first image they are met with is boobs.
Before anyone suggests it - no I'm not a prude and I'm certainly not offended by the sight of a pair of breasts, I'm more offended by what the Page 3 girls represented to young females, particularly when it comes to describing them as 'models'.
THE bustiers keep getting tighter, the bras more conical, and the boobs more perkier as the decades roll on. Madonna is back, and not so much like a virgin. That's right, the woman who has defied all gravity has announced she is set for a world tour to mark 30 years since her debut Virgin tour.