children and divorce
Usually the decree absolute marks the end of my work with my divorce clients, however, recently I have been getting back in touch with some of them to find out how they are getting on now. With them all I have found they are in a much better place in their lives
Parents have to find a way to discuss these and other parentings issues and protect their children from acrimony and avoidable hurt and loss. Mediation creates a safe and neutral place for these conversations to take place. Furthermore, the mediator is highly trained and experienced in facilitating their much needed conversations and can help with formulating new boundaries and ways of communicating and planning that work.
Everything can be sorted out, agreed and put behind you, you can move on from the conflict of the past and through dialogue and bargaining to acceptance and to a new and brighter future. You will have come up the other side of the rollercoaster and will be able to look back with relief on the journey you have accomplished - and be glad it is behind you.
Try to understand what the other person is saying. Don't just think how to argue back. Unless there's serious abuse, try not to communicate through other people, especially people who think they're helping by taking sides.
Single parenting brings a flexibility which allows going to the cinema on the spur of the moment or indulging in an impromptu picnic. I do not have to check with the other parent or plan events far in advance.
It is important for them to know that you too are hurting because by knowing this and by showing your emotions, you are inadvertently giving them permission to feel the pain and hurt that the divorce process gives rise to and also just to show them that you are indeed human after all.
Divorce will be a watershed moment in your child's life no matter how amicable it is. I often say, that the divorce is in itself important, but what is even more important is how it's handled as this can end up being the primary trauma.
Christmas is traditionally a time for families to be together. This can heighten emotions, especially loneliness if you are single as the focus is on happy families at this time of year. It can really highlight the fact that you don't have that special someone to share it with and that can be hard to deal with.
Many divorcing parents struggle to identify the best approach for the children. It is a roller coaster at the best of times and when you throw children into the mix it becomes a minefield of emotional management.
When we speak of conflict, where things get nasty and personal, where it's not just words that are used as weapons but bodies and objects around, then we wreak havoc in the lives of our children.