coping with grief
As I sit here writing this down I can see the entire book, it's closed so I've no idea where the story goes, but I can see that this IS my life. It doesn't begin over the page, it began at the beginning of the book and I'm in it now, this is it, these obstacles ARE my life.
And as I reflect now it seems so obvious that these are the things that we would miss without her here, and yet when she was here those things went unsaid, all we did as a family was recognised her for her practical input. But she was so much more than that.
You see, we all have assumptions about how our future will pan out. Because I work as a coach and help others create their future by setting a life goal I had also done this for myself. My goal was extremely compelling, I lived it and breathed it everyday and it was all for my wonderful wife. Take that motivation away and everything seems to fall apart.
On the evening that Dunc died, he left for football while Sam, Thomas and I were eating tea. He kissed each of us in turn and told us that he loved us. Dunc did this every week before football, and every day before work. It was something that I had strongly encouraged, having worked closely with a family who hadn't had a chance to say a proper last goodbye to their child.