I have first-hand experience of how cheesed-off Adam and Eve felt after they were booted from the Garden of Eden, because I too was forced to leave Bounty advert perfection in The Maldives - and I never so much as looked at a Granny Smith.
Where to start with India's Test performances in the past few months? They have been so abject in all three disciplines, that any dissection of where they went wrong would be an exercise in futility.
If you were one of those who followed the first test over the last five days, you will have no doubts whatsoever in your mind that England was the better of the two sides and India kept playing catch up all the time, only to succumb before the sun had set on the pristine turf at Lord's.