domestic abuse victims
After all these years, I still often look back and wonder why it took me so long to realise that something wasn't right. I
Moving forward is hard and sometimes the abuse will come back in dreams, flashbacks, conversations or in other ways. I find that sometimes it feels like I am in a mental fight not to assume my husband is similar to the person who abused me. Years on and the moments have become less and I am able to shake it off but this has taken patience and has at times been mentally quite tough.
I don't remember the actual moment when we made the decision to marry but it was because of what we learnt from the loss of two such important people from our lives that we suddenly felt that it was important to us and important that we didn't waste time waiting.
I used to wonder if I would ever have a life. In fact I wondered this every day for the five long, lonely years that I lived in a domestic abusive relationship. In the end I didn't care because I was so numb, but here I am now and I want to share with you a snippet of my story.
'Why not walk away from the abuse?' people say. If only it was that easy. It's an addiction. And believe me, that I know. I've been an addict, I'm not ashamed to admit that. I've made mistakes. I'm only human. Doesn't matter if it's cocaine or being with an abuser, people relapse. Sounds stupid, but sometimes it's the easiest option.
Raising a question that is rarely addressed... A woman was raised in a dysfunctional family. When she was a baby, she was
The psycho girlfriend. She'll refuse to let you hang out with your best friends for fear you might cheat on her. She'll check
Language is key. Who says your perpetuator has to be in the frame? Why not yourself? Is it not more empowering to say, 'I am a survivor' without referring once to them by name, or identifiable detail? If their behaviour was that criminal, surely other people would work that out for themselves?
Changing the law cannot be a substitute for improving the police response. However, legislative change signals training and awareness and can drive culture change to better protect women and children, hold perpetrators to account and effectively lead to a reduction in murder. And police, prosecutors and courts must have the best possible tools to do their job and keep victims and their children safe.
An alcoholic has admitted assaulting his partner because he was angry about not receiving any Christmas presents from his