funniest tweets

"Sure, childbirth is painful, but have you ever had your spouse talk about their day at work in excruciating detail?"
"You don’t know what stress is until you watch your 2 year old try to spread cream cheese on a bagel."
"I’m less of a 'Don’t say that' mum and more of a 'Don’t say that at school' mum."
"Husband and I like to spend our weekends shouting, 'What did you say?!’ from another room."
"One side of our sink has a garbage disposal. The other side is where my daughter just dumped a full bowl of cereal."
"One fun thing about kids is that when you tell them to wash their hands, you have to specify 'with soap.'"
"Gave our three-year-old an ice cream cone and now everything within a square mile is sticky."