Tips to help you be mindful every day.
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Listening is a type of meditation, when we are listening to others we are in a practice of quieting the mind's chatter, normally the worst listeners are already thinking of something that they want to say and try to say it before the other person has finished, they are also very distracted by judgmental thoughts and feelings whilst talking and listening.
Debbie Harry and Blondie are great examples of artists standing the test of time, in my opinion. I know that tastes in music and artists are largely subjective but even in the 80s Blondie was edgy, cool and relevant and 30 years on she still is. Their recent release Pollinator is testament to that.
I always knew talking was important. I grew up in a noisy, busy family. The only way to get anything was to speak up. The louder, the better. Then once, when I was about six years old, an adult leant down to me and said, "You'd better not talk so much or your voice will run out."
'The richness of life doesn't lie in the loudness and the beat, but in the timbres and the variations that you can discern
The bottom line is that if the person doesn't feel listened to, they feel that their voice and opinion doesn't matter. They effectively are denied a voice. This can be blatantly obvious, from the boss who doesn't register one's own ideas, to a friend who sits and allows you to talk and then comes straight back with their own problems.
We're rightly encouraged to talk about our feelings when we're experiencing difficulty. It can often be the first step to dealing with whatever the problem is and preventing it from escalating. However, for talking to be effective we need someone to listen. So why don't we make this year's Blue Monday a day of listening?
My cajoling didn't work with my son, but losing my temper made the situation a million times worse. What did I expect? My son could not see I was upset or angry and stop and rationalise his fears about school, he was far too agitated himself.
And this can work not just in business, but in our personal lives, with friends, partners and children. If, whilst someone else is talking, you tell yourself that they are the player, and not you, it transforms the way in which you listen to people.
Grief is entirely individual, and the grieving person has to respond to their grief in a way that is relevant to them. How they respond may change over time. The difficulty with the platitudes detailed above is that they infer a judgement about how the person is grieving, the time they are taking over their grief, or how they are feeling.