loss

When Verna Scott-Culkin’s father and mother-in-law passed away, her family was left with a huge void to fill. It was then
I started bleeding on Christmas Day, not a lot, just a little; small brown stains, just enough to notice. Sharp pains followed, shooting up my tummy. But then they were gone. The day went by, a blur of smiles and anxiety, trying to be normal so not to rouse suspicions from a family who were non-the-wiser
We drove around for hours, tears rolled down our cheeks, crying together; for you, for us, for what we had and what could have been. We pulled up on the moors and watched the burnt red and orange sunset; like a poppy painted into the sky until it disappeared. We could feel you with us.
Belinda Kemp calls herself a practical person; a 'planner' who knows what she wants and how to get there. Until it came to
Accept what's happened. Our babies weren't meant to live on this earth. They came for a little while and then they had to leave. Accepting that your baby has passed is one of strongest things you will ever do. It allows you space to breath, to move forwards and to cherish what you did have, while you had it.
There is no shame in honesty. Look for the people in your life who can handle your honesty. Open yourself up to people who you can trust with your emotions and feelings. Let the wall down, even just a little. Once you are honest with yourself and others, you can really begin to heal and open your heart to a much happier life.
Easter was always a time I dreaded when I was a teenager. It was a time that triggered memories that I did not want to remember. For years after my dad's suicide, I couldn't handle Easter. The very thought of walking into a supermarket and seeing the vast array of coloured eggs and Easter rabbits would send me into an emotional spiral.
The only way we can start to break down the walls that death puts up, is to talk about it. The only way we can begin to 'trial and error' our way through the language surrounding death, is to begin to try, experience a few errors, and slowly work out the best way for these conversations to happen. Death and grief aren't a big black hole that needs to be avoided at all costs. Talking to someone about it won't make you fall in the hole and keep falling until you can't get up.
There are many reasons as to why friendships don't last but in essence what causes these splits is that we grow older, and our networks get bigger.
I was having problems following a miscarriage and watching those pregnant bellies was an ice pick to my heart. I kept my head down, making little eye contact. I sat silent tears falling onto my lap.