mermaid life

Ah swimming. I miss it when I'm not doing it, a bit like sex with a passionate new lover. Though swimming leaves me much calmer, connected and less likely pregnant. I mean, I seriously hope less likely pregnant. What are the chances of getting pregnant Virgin Mary style in a public swimming pool I wonder?
I can't deny, I was rather nervous about my first time. Would it hurt? Would I get covered in gross things floating about beneath me? Would everyone notice if I acquire a camel toe? (And am I terrible feminist for being ashamed of my potential camel toe?).