All that excessive obsessing and rumination totally takes a toll on you physically and mentally.
Often we can go through life identifying with our thoughts, our habits of thinking and believe this is the truth, that this is who we are, when this is not actually the case. Thoughts are just thoughts, they are not who we are and by accumulation of these thoughts we create behaviours and subsequent identities.
You're allowed to make mistakes. If you're looking for permission, here it is! No matter how much 'thought' you put in to a decision, you can still be wrong, and that's ok. There's often no way to know until you take the leap. Often, there is no one single, correct decision anyway.
My main problem was I had put her up on a pedestal. I'd imagined what it would be like to fancy then fall for her. Little scenarios were played out in my head, living and travelling together. Time together and time apart. Its not hard to fancy a young beautiful witty woman.