parenting humor

"Teaching my children about the composting process by emptying the contents of my purse."
Life with a toddler is no cakewalk – as social media demonstrates. 
The wheel that fell off first was directly under the handy side-basket. Designed, I believe, for your shopping, and not, as I use it, for your other children who are refusing to walk. Only a week ago my three year old was slung in there after a 10 minute walk turned into a 40 minute amble punctuated by whining about his legs hurting and the sun being too bright.
You could have heard a pin drop before the torrent of remarks flew towards me. From being told that sleeping too much will stunt her development and that the sleeping habits wouldn't last to being terrified with potentially incorrect SIDS facts and how cruel the 'cry it out' method is - admitting that AB was sleeping well was a bad move.
One of the first posts on my blog was 'Stuff Daddy Does to Annoy Mummy': a list of the annoying habits your partner suddenly picks up, or rather always had, but you no longer have patience for after you welcome your first child.
Of course I was thrilled to be a new mum. But nowhere in any manual did I read that it would involve being a vision of perfect Christmas cheer during the festive season. I was quite sure that it should have been more like: put your feet up, take a load off and let me give cuddles to the gorgeous new baby whilst you enjoy a hot cup of tea
Hmm what's that on my ear? It's all wet....Ah yes she is drooling again. Must be her teeth. Whoops! Nearly got squashed there, she is definitely getting heavier...though I can't understand why- all she seems to eat is cheese and raisins.
Don't get me wrong, I and millions of other women will be happy to have one breastfeeding emoji at least. Big thanks to Rachel Lee and Joshua Jones - the design may not be perfect but we owe them our gratitude for getting this far.
Friends will know you as socially reliable - you're one of the inner-circle. You will be there at "the event", whatever that may be, and you're great for that. You're not one of the flaky guys who will inevitably cancel at the last minute and give some sorry excuse.
In an effort to swing the balance back in our favour, I was trying to think of things I did NOT like doing before I had a kid that I like doing now. Note I am being very positive about all these things, because I know you know that we know they aren't really all that fun. Sigh.