parenting humour

Let's face it, being self employed and running your own business is hard work, building your own startup is even harder, but add being a parent to the equation and any fellow mum will tell you there can be days when you will feel everything is impossible!
They say laughter is the best medicine but it was only when I became a mum that I realised just how true that is. Humour not only helped me survive the dark days but it helped me gain confidence as a mother and connect me with so many parents who were experiencing the same things as I was.
Well, today's the day, I'm here to share what I didn't know about birth before I went through it, and I don't care if it puts anyone off children because frankly the Earth is over populated anyway
Learning is exhausting. They will be very tired when you pick them up and this will mean that they fall asleep in the car on the way home and you are left sitting on that driveway for all of eternity.
Do you prefer to deal with complex emotional problems which will result in barrels loaded with whine(ing). Or do you prefer jumping around like an oversized robotic Tigger to keep up with a boy? The irony of this post is that even if we did have a preference, we certainly don't get a choice.
Following on from this post I thought I would share with you the alternative milestone cards I wish I had made. At least the baby might actually have a chance of hitting these ones
Delivery time - 10 months Hair colour - Blonde Eye colour - Blue Type - Girl
Well enough is enough. Mummy needs some quality me/gin-drinking/Ryan Gosling watching time so I've worked out the ten best ways to save time when rearing a toddler.
I have come to realise that since I have jumped into the fabulous world which is motherhood, I no longer give a sh*t. By this I mean, I've become immune to that feeling of wanting to be swallowed up by a hole in the floor. I no longer gush with flushed cheeks at a quirky comment.
I'm sure you have a knowing grin on your face already having just read the title of this piece. What is with the Hollywood portrayal of birth? I mean lets face it, there's not a lot of glamour involved. I thought I would look at some common movie-birth themes, and compare them with a dash of reality.
Being a mother of four is not always easy, but it has taught me a few things.
Pregnancy is a funny time in your life. As well as all the bizarre medical issues (I won't go into details just in case you are reading this and eating your lunch at the same time) there are other funny happenings. Pregnancy brings out some very odd behaviour in other people too.
One of the things that weighs on me the most about parenting is teaching my son "life lessons". The things that I've learnt - slowly, sometimes painfully - that I want to somehow confer to him without him having to go through the same things I had to.
We also believe that ladies should keep a clean house, and allowing a toddler to throw food is a detriment to this end, as well as disrespectful to those in this world who sadly go without, and at the very least, extreme bad manners. We demand that this is rectified immediately.
Faaaaack! Oh I'm blushing now, why am I blushing? My ears are burning, I haven't gone this red since the wind blew my maxi skirt over my head at the bottom of the escalators at Oxford Circus and approximately 1349 people saw my arse and I couldn't get the damn thing to stay down.
If you are anything like I was, you'll be counting down the days until your maternity leave starts. You are probably feeling like the side of a bus, needing a wee approximately every seven minutes and have the temperament of a warthog with a wasp up its nose. You. Need. A. Break.
I'll say now that my husband is a wonderful daddy. Perhaps even the best they'll ever have. But it's flipping ungrateful of them to overlook the fact that he might well forget to feed them anything but biscuits.
I love feel-good stories like this, and it all started 16 months ago when Jade started drawing these cartoons as a way of finding the funny side of the trials and tribulations of raising her son, Abel.
So, 9 months physical work - feeling sick, having boob pain from hell, lugging around a lead-lined watermelon with a bladder-splatting penchant, what's that worth? It's definitely a 24 hour job, so let's say AT LEAST 2k per month.
Before you know it, rather than going downstairs and retrieving more traditional cleaning apparatus, the bathroom floor was dust-free, shiny and smelling of Pampers sensitive (which don't smell of much at all really).