parents-having-a-baby

Last week my partner gave birth to our daughter in our living room - the culmination of a pregnancy that was extraordinary only because we received the highest quality of personalised care - all from the NHS.
Speaking to my mum and other non-generation X mums is a huge reassurance. They had none of this brand spanking gadgetry, and I, along with my peers, turned out just fine. Speaking to my midwife. She's pretty good with a no-nonsense approach and will help me suss out the necessities from the marketing BS.
When I discovered that I was pregnant, I was completely over the moon - mainly because I had suffered an eating disorder for many years and although I never spoke about it with anyone, I always had a lingering fear that perhaps the damage I had done to my body internally would be irreversible. But thankfully I was able to fall pregnant naturally.
And so far, so good, as far as sibling relationships go. But it is tricky terrain, preparing your toddler for a new baby. Particularly the first time around, when they are used to a life of undivided attention, and the new arrival will likely change the status quo pretty drastically for now and evermore.
I was so scared about the possibilities of bringing a child into this world and how I would cope as a parent. What kind mum did I want to be? How would I parent? Would I try and breastfeed? I found all the information from parenting books, NCT antenatal groups and other people's advice overwhelming and confusing.
Many people told me their horror stories of birth. Many people rolled their eyes or laughed at me when I said I wanted a homebirth for my first baby. Many people told me I was being naieve or foolish. And many people close to me thought I wouldn't be able to do it: that I wouldn't stay at home the whole time, not for my first baby, or that I wouldn't cope without strong pain relief.
After an unknown amount of time trying to get baby ready for bed, you wait patiently for the milk to cool down a little - this appears to take hours as baby is messing about, running you ragged.
I thought about the people I love, one by one, ranking them in order of how hurt I will be that they're dead. I thought about all my regrets. I've never been to New York, I've never even tasted avocado.
In order to recover from my introduction into poonami land, we sat on the bed and played together for a bit. Mainly so I could convince myself that she was actually cute and not just a poo spraying devil creature.