post natal illness
Was there a time when you were pregnant, or after you gave birth, that you felt so horrendously sh*t and just wanted someone to talk too? But you were either too afraid to say what was on your mind or no one asked you how you were really feeling? If you're nodding yes, you really aren't the only one.
I hated that he needed me so much; I hated losing my independence & that I no longer felt like 'me'. I started to feel a huge amount of resentment towards him; this of course led to a massive gap in understanding between Shaun and I.
You tentatively get out of bed and as you take each ritual step into the nursery you realise that your steps are a little lighter and the quick sand you feel yourself walking through most days is now more like a muddy puddle. Your head feels, dare you say it "clearer" and the morning routine not as daunting.
I am also not ashamed to admit that I am angry beyond belief that it chose me in the first place. I didn't want this battle. I just wanted to be a mum. I wanted the full Technicolor heart bursting moments, I wanted to be exhausted from night feeds rather than exhausted from trying to keep my panic levels under control.
There is no woman out there who has gone through the life changing and shit scary ordeal of bringing a tiny human, kicking and screaming into the world that can hand on heart say they have not thought at least once that they are losing their mind whether it be the result of one of "those" days or the early signs of post natal illness.