I had a milestone birthday in October, I turned 40 and alongside the many hopes and dreams that I had for this age, having a family was an integral part of what I imagined. I have spent the last year hoping and trying to be pregnant with our second child, by the time I reached 40. Yes, you read that right, second child!
I am a mother. I am simply a mother without a child. I have all the mothering instincts. I am filled with love waiting to
Deleting the day from my calendar and staying in bed is appealing, but it isn't real life. I am finally at a point now that I can face these days with at least some kind of composure. Processing the grief of losing my babies and accepting that we would not have children has been a slow and heart-breaking process.
Through working with my clients and my own personal experience it has become clear to me that the thoughts, feelings and beliefs we experience on our fertility journey are not caused by or specific to our fertility journey.
You have read that IVF is very difficult; you have been told it will push you both to your limits; you are worried that injections seem to cause couples to fight a lot. You wish it didn't have to be this way, sometimes it feels so unfair.
More needs to be done to educate people in fertility matters. By this I mean that when trying for a baby it is not as simple as making the decision, doing the deed, and nine months later your baby arrives.
We attempted everything under the sun to get pregnant and, although we are currently working with a surrogate, we got elbow, neck and knee deep in to the adoption process before that opportunity presented itself. When we made our announcement that we were adopting, we were shocked by the misconceptions people have about adoption.
I know what some of you are thinking: the world is overpopulated already, so many unwanted children out there, why don't you "just adopt"?... What about those who've already experienced the miracle of pregnancy and birth - why don't they adopt instead of having, say, a second or third pregnancy?
What do you say to someone who is suffering through infertility? We'll we can certainly share with you what not to say. Over the years we have pretty much heard it all. Being on the receiving end makes you feel very exposed, sad, somehow less human. It was like we just admitted that we lost the primal ability to procreate, or procreate easily anyway.
During our last final bite at the IVF apple we let the world into our bedroom. OK, get your mind out of the gutter. We allowed MTV to film us for a year to document our infertility journey on the Emmy award winning series "True Life". Our show was "I'm Desperate to have a Baby". Not the most flattering of titles but also not entirely inaccurate either. We ARE desperate to have a baby.